XX - Adult Puns!

The average male is 6 inches long, and the average female is 8 inches deep.
In New York City alone, there is over 2 miles of unused female around!

One of my wife's friends is a lesbian.
One day, we got to talking and I asked her did she ever wonder what it
would be like to have children.
She said it was the one thing she regretted about her sexual
orientation, that she might never be a mother.
She's a good-looking lady, and I said slyly that if she ever wanted to
be impregnated I'd be happy to help out, purely altruistically.
She shot me a death ray look, and told me with a curling lip that if
she ever decided to reproduce, it would be by artificial insemination.
"No problem," I replied, "If you want artificial, I'll tell you I love you."

"So you're happy with John, huh?"
"Absolutely!
He's good to me, and he's so sexy.
Before I met him, I thought sex was just for making babies and keeping
the landlord happy."

What does a blonde have in common with the United States Army?
They're open to any man between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five.

Paula and Steve got married.
They went to a hotel for the wedding night.
The following morning, Paula's closest friend came over and asked how
their wedding night went.
Paula told her,
"I'm just awfully tired, dead tired.
All night long it was up and down, in and out, up and down, in and out."
Her friend, misunderstanding her, was a bit shocked that she spoke so crassly.
Steve clarified by adding,
"Don't ever get a room next to an elevator!"

What two things in the air can make a Woman pregnant?
Her feet.

A horse and a rabbit were friends.
Every day they would roam the fields together.
One day, the horse fell into some quicksand.
He cried out,
"Rabbit, rabbit, help me".
The rabbit scampered away.
He returned with a red corvette.
He threw a rope to the horse, tied the other end to the bumper, drove
off and saved his friend from the quicksand.
The next day,,in the fields, Rabbit fell into an abandoned well shaft.
"Horse, horse, come quickly,
I cannot jump out, it is too deep.
I cannot swim.
I cannot climb out, it is too steep."
The horse straddled the well and lowered his penis into the shaft.
Rabbit grabbed ahold and was pulled out.
Horse had saved him.
The moral to the story is thus:
If you have a big long dick, you don't need a red corvette.

When I was 18 years old, I was going out with a 69 year old man.
Sexually we got along great 'cause the things he couldn't do anymore
were the things I didn't know about.

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs, only one's coming and one's going!