XX - Adult Puns!

A student who had recently been diagnosed with multiple personality
disorder went to the campus medical centre.
"Doc," he said, "I think one of my personalities may be gay."
"And this is causing you discomfort?" the doctor asked.
"Yeah," the student replied. "It's kind of a pain in the ass."

Two sweethearts wanted to fly United on the way back to campus after
spring break,
But the flight attendant wouldn't let them.

A sixth grade science teacher asked her class,
"Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
No one in the class answered until a little girl stood up and said,
"You shouldn't be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going
to tell my parents, and they will go tell the principal, who will fire
you!"
The teacher ignored her and asked the class again,
"Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
This time a boy stood up, looked around nervously and said,
"The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is
the pupil of the eye." "Very good," the teacher said.
Then, she turned to the little girl and added,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework.
And three, one day you're going to be very, very disappointed."

Men who make obscene phone calls have sexual hang-ups.

A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed.
She points to his dick and says,
"Daddy, what's that?"
Not wanting to explain to her yet, he says,
"Uh, I can't tell you, it's a secret."
The little girl finds her mother and asks,
"What is that long thing between Daddy's legs?"
Her mother also doesn't want to explain sex yet, so she says,
"I don't know, he won't tell me."
A couple days later the little girl says to her mother.
"Mommy, I finally figured out what that thing between Daddy's legs is.
It's a *toothbrush! " "Why do you think that?" the amused mother asks.
"Because," the little girl says, "this morning I saw the maid sliding
it in and out of her mouth."

Two old dears having a coffee, one says to the other,
"Did you come on the bus",
"Yes", she replies, "but I made it look like an asthma attack"

A man was boarding a plane on his way back from visiting family over
the holidays when he heard another passenger shout to a man in the
crowd waiting to see him off,
"Good bye. Your wife was a great lay!"
After the plane was in flight, the first man walked over to the one
who had done the shouting and asked,
"Did I hear you correctly? Did you actually have the audacity to tell
that man his wife was a great lay?"
The other man shrugged his shoulders.
"It isn't really true," he said, "but I didn't want to hurt his feelings."

A man recovering from a heart attack asked his doctor how long he
should wait before having sex.
"You can have sex right away," the doctor answered, "but only with
your wife I don't want you to get too excited."

Mrs. Bellows is having her house painted and when Mr. Bellows arrives
home from work that day, he leans up next to the front door and leaves
his hand print.
The following morning, Mrs. Bellows approached Jack the Painter and ask him,
"Would you like to see where my husband put his hand last night?"
Jack replied,
"Look lady, I don't feel well, I'm tired and my Dick is sore from my
own last night's activities. Why don't you just make me a cup of tea
instead?"

A lesbian cocktail lounge is a Her-She Bar