XX - Adult Puns!

A pompous self made grocer named Bates gets his son into an expensive
private school. On day one the whole family is there to see the little
blighter begin his first day at school. The grocer, his family in tow,
saunters into the principal's office and introduces himself thus:
"I am Sir Shortwait Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter
Miss Bates and my son Master Bates."
"Oh does he?" asks the bemused principal, "we will soon get him out of
that terrible habit."

The weather's been cool down in Florida, and everyone's got their
windows open and the A/C shut off for a change.
I was trimming some hedges and couldn't help but overhear my
neighbours, engaged in a real donnybrook of an argument.
The husband was as mad as hell, when he apparently just found out that
his wife had been cheating on him.
He shouted loudly at her,
"I will play second fiddle to no one!"
I almost lost it when I heard her scream back at him,
"Second fiddle? You're lucky you are even still in the band!"

My son majored in both Geology and Proctology.
And he still doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.

A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken.
The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after
finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the
excess blood.
She can't find one so she looks innocently at the guy, takes his
finger and sucks it.
The guy is so pleased he asks,
"Do you think I could have a urine test done?"

It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
A blonde, bosomy cheerleader confessed to her priest that she often
had sex with her boyfriend in the front seat of his car.
"Now, my daughter," consoled the priest, "I'm sure if you think about
it, you'll know you've been doing something wrong."
"Yeah, I guess you are right," replied the cheerleader.
"Maybe it would be more comfortable in the backseat."

Women get minks he same way minks get minks.

Su Wong marries Lee Wong.
The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely
Caucasian baby boy. 'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new
parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, '
Well, two Wongs don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong.

The slogan for the Stealth Condom is:
"They'll never see you coming."