XX - Adult Puns!

A young blonde, having just returned from a great week-long vacation
in South America, walked into the local bank and asked about
exchanging currency.
The teller said he would try to help her.
After she plopped a huge wad of bills onto the counter, the teller
then counted it, made a phone call, and returned to count out $27.18.
The wide-eyed woman gasped.
"You mean to tell me that's all I get for that mountain of bills?"
"I'm afraid so Miss," replied the teller,
"That's the current rate of exchange according to our foreign exchange section."
"Good Grief!" she hissed, "and I gave that cheap skunk breakfast, too!"

Everyone was surprised when fastidious, virginal Percy lispingly
announced his attention to wed.
"What, you, Percy?" was the amazed reaction.
Some skeptics made bets that he wouldn't go through with it, but Percy
fooled them.
He even went on a honeymoon.
Upon his return, one of the losers bitingly asked,
"Well, is your wife pregnant?"
"Goodness, I certainly hope so," said Percy with great sincerity.
"I wouldn't want to go through THAT again!"

A sergeant and two men from his platoon went to a tavern near the base
one night.
The sergeant asked an attractive army nurse to join him in a game of pool.
The nurse said,
"I would rather play with your privates."

The young doctor was taking his wife out one evening, when a pretty
girl smiled and spoke to him.
The wife scenting an earlier love affair, inquired:
"Who is the lady, dear?"
"Oh, just a girl I have met professionally."
"No doubt," meowed the wife, "but whose profession? Yours or hers?"

Bell-Ringers pull it themselves

Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer...
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new
meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good
old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:
MOUNT & DO.

The difference between a blonde and a light bulb is the light bulb is smarter,
But the blonde is easier to turn on.

One day a co-worker told my friend, Dan, that she was going home early
because she didn't feel well.
Since Dan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well
and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her.
A fellow worker piped up,
"I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."

I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said:
Remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.

Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home.
He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man.
He started to yell at the interloper,
"What right have you got to be making love to my wife?"
The man answered calmly,
"You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny and I would like to
marry her.
I understand you're a gambler.
Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me?
If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to
divorce her.... Okay?"
"Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more
interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?"

What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Probably the rooster.