Laughs

Daily Groaner.

A college senior takes his new girlfriend to a football game.
The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action.
A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend:
"Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer and said to the surprised young man:
"That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless
of how you said it, I accept!"

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A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage to the front end.
There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.
"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position
and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a hand-written sign, and held it in the helicopter's window.
The pilot's sign read "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign read,
"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER".
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to the Seattle-Tacoma airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded,
"I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a sperm?
A: At least a sperm has a one in one million chance of becoming a human being.

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Joke of the day:
After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse.
One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.
Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold ten percent of Arnold's wages to pay for the repairs.
"How much will it cost?" asked Arnold.
"About $4,500," said the owner.
"What a relief!" exclaimed Arnold. 'I've finally got job security!"

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Trivia question of the day:

Before becoming a Hollywood leading man, Fred MacMurray began his career as a singer and saxophonist in various bands.