Funnies

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you
want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
the other is a husband.
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician
showed him a card with the

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."