XX- Three funnies to start the New Year!

LS - SL - April 06

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at
her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us
for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little
while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees
the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few
minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to
peek into the bedroom.

"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same
woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."

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A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa
Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had
walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a
book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello,
sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and
again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you
like pussycats?"
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto
hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate
ride of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man,
"How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
(not everyone will get this one)
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A man from Texas buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar as he
announces his wife has just produced "A typical Texas baby boy
weighing twenty pounds." Congratulations shower all around, and many
exclamations of 'wow!' are heard. Two weeks later he returns to the
bar. The bartender says, 'Say, you're the father of the typical Texas
baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth, aren't you? How much does
the baby weigh now?' The proud father answers, 'fifteen pounds.' The
bartender is puzzled. 'Why? What happened? He already weighed twenty
pounds at birth.' The Texas father takes a slow sip from his beer,
wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans over to the bartender and
proudly announces, 'Had him circumcised.'