XXX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighbourhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle.

A guy found a magic lamp and naturally, rubbed it.
The genie popped out and said,
"I'll grant you any wish you want."
The guy thought and thought and finally gave his answer.
"I want to be hard all the time and get all the ass I want."
"As you wish," the genie replied.
So, the genie turned him into a toilet seat.

Nurse:
A pan handler.

It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court, the Police had rounded up
the usual collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge;
Three stood before him, all arrested on the same corner.
He asked the first lady what she had to say for herself.
The woman was irate,
"I don't know what all this is about your Honour. I'm a college student
doing research for a term paper."
The Judge sighed and said,
"Well, Miss, I would have thought you'd done enough research' by now. My
computer sez you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250 fine."
He then turned to the second lady and requested her to testify.
The woman began crying softly and said,
"Judge, I am just a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my
husband. I have no idea why I was arrested."
This time, the Judge shook his head and said,
"Well, young lady, the officer tells me that he saw you had a stack of bills
along with the cigarettes to your 'husband' in his new Cadillac. Thirty days
and $250 fine."
He turned to the last of the trio and asked her occupation.
The woman said simply,
"I'm a hooker."
Refreshed at her honesty, the Judge laughed and said,
"How's business?"
She sneered and replied,
"Terrible Judge, with all these students and housewives around, I can't turn
a single trick."

Two old dears having a coffee, one asks the other,
"Did you come on the bus?"
"Yes," she replies, "but I made it look like an asthma attack."


I'm not saying she's a slut,
But
she's shoved so much meat in her mouth, Nathan's banned her from the Hot Dog
Eating Contest.

David went to the urologist complaining of discharge dripping from his
penis,
The doctor took one look and told him he had V. D.
"No way," said the shocked David, blushing terribly. "It must be a cold."
"Call it what you like, David," said the doctor. "But, until it sneezes,
we'll have to treat it for V. D."

If she wants to do it French, Russian or Greek,
It doesn't mean you have to go to Berlitz and learn the language.