XXX: ADULT PUNS!

There once was a lady named Cager,
Who readily agreed to a wager,
She consented to fart,
The entire oboe part,
Of Mozart's quartet in F major.

I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said,
"Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?"
She said,
"Do you like sex?"
I said,
"Of course I like sex."
She said,
"Do you like to travel?"
I said,
"Yeah, I love to travel."
She said,
"Then f*ck off."

Sign outside a brothel:
Married men not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy.

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback.
On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep.
Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight
Scotch.
Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg
masturbating furiously at the bar.
The bloke cried,
"What the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a
bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off in the
bar!"
"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with
only one leg to catch a sheep"

90% of gals have a left boob bigger than the right
Because
90% of boys are right handed.

"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bob told his friend Mike.
"Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair," Mike suggested.
"But what if my wife finds out?"
"Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bob. Go ahead and tell her about it!"
So, Bob went home and said,
"Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "
Forget it," said his wife, "I've tried that and it's never worked."

New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman
Instead of
Same position with different women.

Angus Broon of Glasgow, Scotland, comes to the little lady of the house
exclaiming,
"Maggie, cud ye be sewin on a wee button that's come off of ma fly? I canna
button ma troosers."
"Och, Angus, I've got ma hands in the sink, go up the stairs and see if Mrs.
MacDonald could be helpin ye with it."
About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of Yelling
and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door
with a black eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.
Maggie looks at him and says,
"My god Angus, what happened tae ye? Did you ask her up the stairs like I
told you?"
"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button, an she did,
everything was goin' fine but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread,
Mr MacDonald walked in."

I'm not saying she's a slut,
But
she's been banged more than my snooze button.

A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems,
but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies.
"Are you feeling ok?" he asked.
"Well, to be honest, have this compulsion to have sex with every man I
meet," she admitted. "Is there a name for my condition?"
Why yes, there is," he said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to
the couch. "It's called 'Good News'."

Such an unfair world:
When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man its $8.50/min (charges may vary).