XXX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young lady named Heather,
Whose vagina was made out of leather,
She made an odd noise,
That attracted the boys,
By flapping the edges together.

How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.

DONKEY BARBECUE:
Where everybody gets a piece of ass.

A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a triple martini.
The bartender says.
"What a coincidence, The only other person at the bar is that beautiful
woman at the other end. She is also drinking triple martinis".
After a few sips of his drink, the man walks up to the woman and says,
"Isn't it a coincidence that we are both having the same drink."
She replies,
"Yes! I am here because I am celebrating. After 20 years of trying I am
finally pregnant!"
"What a coincidence" the man replied. "I am also celebrating. After years of
experimenting, I have invented a multicolored chicken."
At this, the woman asked
"How did you ever accomplish that?"
"I had to try a lot of different cocks," he said.
The woman replied
"What a coincidence!"

I'm not saying she's a slut,
But she's shoved so much meat in her mouth,
Nathan's banned her from the Hot Dog Eating Contest.

I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said,
"Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?"
She said,
"Do you like sex?"
I said,
"Of course, I like sex."
She said,
"Do you like to travel?"
I said,
"Yeah, I love to travel."
She said,
"Then f*ck off."

It seems this guy has a habit of calling in on Monday morning, with the
complaint,
"I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says,
"He's great. He does the work of two guys. We don't want to lose him."
The boss calls the guy into his office.
"You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a really good
worker and I don't want to fire you. What's the problem, what can we do to
help? Is it drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy stutters a bit, then grimaces and sighs.
"Nah," the man says, "I don't drink or do drugs. But, well, my
brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then he beats on my sister. So
every Monday morning, she calls me crying, and I go over to make sure she's
all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to
another, and the next thing you know, we're having sex."
"What?" his boss yells. "You have sex with your sister?"
"Hey," the guy snarls. "I told you I was sick."


Good girls keep their eye on the clock.
Bad girls keep their eye on the calendar.
Naughty girls name the baby after their fathers