Christmas Warning

Dear Staff,

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a
one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are
required to undergo a risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs
for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is
appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where
there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be
obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To
avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that
laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise
nuisance.
Benches, stools and orthopedic chairs are now available for collection by
any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While
provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras
from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are
reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for
known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded
that — prior to shining his/her glory all around — s/he must confirm that
all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to
account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of
Glory.
Following last year's well publicized case, everyone is advised that EEOC
legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of
Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer
games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be
taken against those found guilty of this offense.
While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practiced in various
parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the
bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be
registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal
personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold
are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices
Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as
aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.
Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger
without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be
arriving shortly.
Merry Christmas,
Risk Management Department