XXX ADULT PUNS!

There once was a man named Odom
Whose balls were too big for his scrotum
Though it was relief that he sought
It all went for naught
Cause he didn't know how to unloadem

A Jewish daughter says to her mother,
"I'm divorcing Irvin. All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is
now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a 5 cent
piece."
Her mother says,
"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom
mansion, you drive a $650,000 Ferrari, you get $5,000 a week allowance, you
take 6 vacations a year, and you want to throw all that away -- over 45
cents?
Now that's a REAL Jewish mother talking!

What do you call a pantry full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet

This morning I walked to the local Mall wearing my raincoat and nothing
else, and opened it in front of a group of shoppers.
An old lady commented,
"Is that all you've got?"
Well, it looked like the spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

This morning when I got up I got the Preparation 'H' mixed up with the
Poli-Grip.
Now I talk like an ass hole, but my gums don't itch.

A woman goes to see her Podiatrist.
She says,
"Doc, I just got back from a few weeks in the Bahamas and the weather was so
great I spent most of the days just lying on the sand. But the strangest
thing happened. Whenever a good looking guy came by, I would get this
strange tingling sensation between my toes."
The podiatrist thought this was kind of unusual and examined her.
He asked her if she had this sensation between all of her toes.
"Actually no," She replied, "Just between my 2 big toes!"

Jack was nimble,
But
Jack was quick.
So, Jill preferred the candlestick!

I was sitting around yesterday at lunch, with a few of my co-workers, when
the subject of sex came up.
Now, Billy-Bob (he runs the fork lift) says,
"Last night I made love to my wife three times! This morning, she was so
happy she made me my favourite breakfast of eggs and grits."
Now, Jim-Bob, (the fertilizer inspector) not to be outdone by his cousin
Billy-Bob, he says,
"That's nothing. Last night I made love to my wife five times. She was so
happy, she not only made me my favourite breakfast of biscuits and gravy,
she told me I was the best in the world and she could never love another
man."
Well, they then looked at me, waiting for me to say something.
Finally, I just said in a quiet voice,
"I just made love to my wife once last night, and she didn't fix me anything
for breakfast."
Well, they started laughing, and finally Jim-Bob asks me,
"Well, hell, did she say anything to you this morning?"
"Just two words," I answered. "Don't stop".

I'm not saying she's a slut,
But
She doesn't sleep in her own bed often enough to wash the sheets.