XXX ADULT PUNS!

Our three breasted cousin, Miss Drew,
Says she wishes she only had two,
The boys pinch and feel 'em,
For she can't conceal 'em,
Brassieres for three knockers are few.

An elderly man was having a calm walk when he happens to pass a brothel.
One of the prostitutes calls out:
"Hey Grandpa! Why don't you try?"
The old man replies:
"No, my child, I can not!"
The prostitute:
"Cheer up! Let us try!"
The elderly man enters and performs like a 25 year old The prostitute says:
"Oh Gosh! And you still say you cannot"
The old man replies:
"Aaah, Sex I can, what I cannot is pay!"

I'm not saying she's a slut,
But
She calls her underwear "ankle warmers."

A surgeon went to check on his very blonde patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she could
expect a complete recovery.
She asked him,
"How long will it be before I can resume a normal sex life again, Doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied,
"Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after
having their tonsils out."

How is sex like a roll of toilet paper?
After you tear off the first piece the rest comes easy.

Father Harris was motoring along a country lane in his parish on a spring
afternoon when all of a sudden he got a flat tire. Exasperated, the priest
stopped his car, got out, and assessed the damage.
Luckily, a four-wheel-drive jeep rounded the bend and pulled to a stop
behind the crippled vehicle.
The door to the jeep opened and out stepped a powerful hunk of a man.
"Good afternoon, Father," greeted the stranger. "Can I give you a hand?"
"Heaven be praised," rejoiced the priest. "As you can see, my son, I have a
flat tire, and I must admit I've never changed one before."
"Don't worry about it, Father. I'll take care of it."
And without skipping a beat, the bruiser picked up the front of the car with
one hand and removed the lug nuts from the base of the flat tire with the
other.
"Why don't you get the spare from the trunk?"
"Why, ahh, yes, of course, my son," stuttered the amazed Father Harris.
The priest rolled the spare around to the strongman who casually lifted it
up with his free hand, manoeuvred it into place, and proceeded to tighten
the lug nuts.
"Do you need the wrench?" the Father queried.
"That's OK," the fellow told him. "These nuts are as tight as a nun's
snatch."
"Hmmmm," mused Father Harris. "I'd better get the wrench."

Two old dears having a coffee, one asks the other,
"Did you come on the bus?"
"Yes," she replies, "but I made it look like an asthma attack."

"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bob told his friend Mike.
"Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair," Mike suggested.
"But what if my wife finds out?"
"Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bob. Go ahead and tell her about it!"
So Bob went home and said,
"Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together."
"Forget it," said his wife, "I've tried that and it's never worked."

What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV.
When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their
age.
The old man said,
"Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex."

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Donuts.