XXX ADULT PUNS!

She wasn't too bold, not too willing
And she did stare a lot at the ceiling...
But once with this rogue
She put down her vogue
And said, "That was mod'rately thrilling."


Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favourite sex
positions.
One says
"I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What
is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend on all fours, mount her from
behind, and reach around and cup her breasts in your hands. Then you whisper
in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's,' and then try to hold
on for 8 seconds."
.

"Nice threads, Man. Where'd you pick 'em up?"
"My old lady got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?"
"I'll say. What was the occasion?"
"Got me. I came home from work early the other day, and there they were,
hanging over the chair in the bedroom."


The difference between a bitch and a whore is;
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party,
And
A bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

Fred's convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.
"I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date, "you're going to pull the
old 'out of gas' routine."
"No," said Fred, "I'm going to pull the 'hereafter' routine."
"The' here after' routine -- what's that" she asked?
"If you're not here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I'm no
longer here."

I'm not saying she's easy,
But
Her pantyhose has a pet door.

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it.
John's answer was:
"Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the
same bed. Every night my father asks, 'John, are you sleeping?' Then I say,
'No' and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."
The teacher says to him,
"Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer."
The following morning, John comes to school and his eye is fine, and the
teacher breathes a sigh of relief.
But the day after that John comes back with another black eye.
"My goodness, John, why the black eye again?"
He tells her,
"Mam, Dad asked me again, 'John are you sleeping?' I shut up and kept dead
still. Then my father and my mother started moving, and Mom was breathing
erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a demented
hyena on the bed. After a while, my father asked my mother, 'Are you
coming?' and my mom said, 'I'm coming. Are you coming. Too?' My dad
answered, 'Yes.'
They don't go anywhere without me, so I said,
'Wait for me.'"