XX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young man named Crockett
Whose balls got caught in a socket.
His wife was a bitch,
She just threw the switch,
And Crockett went off like a rocket.

A woman was walking down the street when she was stopped by a man who was
carrying out a survey.
"Excuse me, madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes towards sex."
"Really!" said the woman smiling.
"Could you please tell me what you think of sex one the television?"
"Well," replied the woman, "I think it's extremely uncomfortable, especially
when you've got a vase stuck up your ass!"

The difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion is
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

Mom walked into the bathroom one day and found young Johnny furiously
scrubbing his penis with a toothbrush and toothpaste.
"What the heck do you think you're doing, young man!?" she exclaimed.
"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day,
because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad
as my sister's."

Tampax have announced today that they will be replacing the string on
tampons with tinsel.
This will be just for the Christmas period.

The pretty coed nervously asked the doctor to perform an unusual operation,
the removal of a large chunk of green wax from her navel.
Looking up from the ticklish task, the physician asked,
"How did this happen?"
"Let me put it this way, doc," the girl began. "My boyfriend likes to eat by
candlelight."

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite.
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac
are all sitting one a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their
minds.
"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Lets have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Lets have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the
murderer.
"Lets have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it
again," said the necrophile. "Lets have sex with the cat, torture it, kill
it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
The room went silent, then everyone turned to the masochist and asked:
"So, what's it gonna be?"
The masochist says,
"Meow."

A woman complained to her vet that her mongrel dog would start to hump her
every time she came into the house.
"Is there anything you can do?" she asked.
"Well," the vet said, "We could cut his testicles off to cut his sex drive
down."
"Oh, no," the woman replied, "that seems a bit rough. Couldn't you just clip
his nails and do something about his bad breath?"

I'm not saying she's easy
But
She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.