Everything is relative-Einstein

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives
off the bar and ate them.

Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.

To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow
swallowed it whole.

The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your
Monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table...whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything
in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball."
The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the
Monkey ate and left.

Two weeks later the guy came back, and had his monkey with him. He
ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar. The
Monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it
up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it.

Then the monkey found a peanut, and again stuck it up his butt, pulled
it out, and ate it. The bartender asked, "Did you see what your
monkey just did?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt,
pulled them out, and ate them!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.

"He will eat anything, but ever since he had to shit out that cue
ball, he measures everything first."