XX ADULT PUNS!

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To smoke a little leaf,
Jack got high and dropped his fly,
And Jill said, "Where's The Beef?"

Two friends meet after many years.
They talk about their past life.
One asks the other,
"And how's your sex life?"
"As Coca-Cola"
"Oh great! Full of bubbles, he?"
"Nothing like that!. Before it was 'NORMAL', then it became 'LIGHT' and now
it is 'ZERO'!"

Bumper Sticker:
SUPPORT CANNIBALISM-EAT ME!

Two five-year-olds were on a picnic with their respective families.
They both wandered into the nearby woods to answer a call of nature.
The little girl squatted and did the necessary.
On her way back to the picnic grounds, she ran across the little boy who was
relieving himself against a tree. "Wow" she said with rounded eyes, "what a
handy gadget to take on a picnic!"

A newborn was born in Oregon last week without eyelids.
The doctor took the kid's foreskin and fashioned eyelids.
Everything turned out okay, but the kid was a little cockeyed.

A Bulgarian tourist visiting America was interested in all types of American
games.
When he returned home, his friends asked him to describe the things he saw.
"One interesting game I witnessed," he said, "was one called, 'Oh Shit!' One
fellow stands on a stage and calls out things like, 'G-4, N-44, etc'. After
awhile, someone in the audience calls out, 'Bingo!' and the rest of the
crowd yells, 'Oh shit!'"

I'm not saying she's easy
But
she's been mounted more often than Trigger.

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a
sex shop.
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles a few feet across the store
to the counter.
Finally, arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she
askes the sales clerk:
"Dddooo youuuuu hhhave dddddillllldossss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing replies:
"Yes, we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models."
The old woman then asks:
"Ddddddooooo yyyouuuu cccaarryy AAA pppinkkkk onnneee, tttteenn inchessssss
llllongg aannddd abbbouttt ttwwoo inchessss ththiickk aaaand rruunns byyy
bbaatteriess?"
The clerk responds,
"Yes we do."
The old lady asks:
"Dddddoooo yyooooouuuuu kknnnoooww hhhowwww tttooo ttturttnnn ttthe
sssunoooooffabbbitchhhh offfffff?"

A guy is sitting at a bar when he sees this gorgeous young woman sitting
alone.
He decides to go over and chat with her.
"You're wasting your time, I'm only interested in women" said the girl.
"Oh come on, I bet I can change your mind" said the guy.
After ten minutes of his pestering her, she said
"Okay, I'll sleep with you if you can do anything for me that my vibrator
can't! But if you can't, you'll leave me alone."
"Deal! Bartender, get this lady a drink."
Then he turned to her and said.
"Let's see your vibrator do that?"