XXX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young rector of Kings
Whose mind was on heavenly things,
But his heart was on fire
For a boy in the choir
Whose ass was like jelly on springs.

Two college women were discussing the date one had had the night before.
"Oh, Nancy, he was sooo erudite, and clever, and sophisticated. He speaks
ten languages, drives a Lamborghini, took me to a Parisian restaurant and
ordered the meal and wine in French, then took me to his penthouse apartment
to look over his Russian book collection by the fireplace."
"Wow, Gail, he sounds fabulous! But just how far did he get with you?
"Well, I really rather not say, but he was quite a cunning linguist!"

What does a coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs, only one's coming and one's going!

After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed
out of the room after the class was over.
Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked,
"Judi, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're
about to kill someone."
"I am!" Judi fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All
summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' was tossing a coin
for position."

What does a gal call a blow job in a Honda?
Her Civic duty

An elderly couple was sitting on the out porch when the husband turned to
his wife and,
"Muffin, I feel like making love tonight. "
The wife replied,
"OK Ernest, I will let you, but be gentle this time."
"But, I am always gentle with you, dearest."
"That's not true," she replied. "The last time you woke me up TWICE!"

I'm not saying she's easy
But
she's been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.

"Doctor, I can't find a comfortable position to sit."
The doctor examined Harry and said,
"I'm not surprised that you're having trouble sitting; you have a good case
of haemorrhoids."
He then gave Harry a supply of suppositories, and told him,
"Go home now, and use one of these each morning and one at night until
they're gone. Then come back and we'll see how you are."
Harry went home, and in a couple of weeks returned, still complaining of
haemorrhoids.
"Well," said the doctor, "Did you use all of the suppositories?"
"Yes, I did," said Harry. "I took one every morning and every night as you
instructed, even though they were pretty hard to swallow. For all the good
they did me, I might just as well have shoved them up my ass!"

MINUTE MAN:
One who double parks while he visits a sporting house.

Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he's
going to divorce his wife.
"Good grief" says Jim, "You and Sue are the happiest couple I know - why on
earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of
obvious bliss?"
"Well" replies Fred, "Truth be known I'm just bored with pokin' the same
hole night after night after night. I guess I'm hankerin' for a bit of
variety."
Jim:
"Well if you want variety, why don't you just, you know, turn her over every
now and again?"
Fred:
"What? And have a house full of kids?"

Good:
You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad:
She keeps interrupting
Worse:
With corrections