XXX ADULT PUNS!

A shiftless young fellow of Kent
Had his wife screw the landlord for rent.
But as she grew older,
The landlord grew colder,
And now they live out in a tent.


"How did your evening with your new boyfriend go?"
"It was a disaster. We were nude in bed in heavy foreplay and he had a
premature ejaculation."
"What did he say when it occurred?"
"He just said I was the loveliest girl he had ever come across."

He said,
"Want a quickie?"
She said,
"As opposed to what?"

A friend of mine spreads some light on the vegan swallowing mystery...
Actually, the question of whether or not it is okay for a vegetarian or
vegan to give BJs, and if so, if it was all right to swallow, the general
consensus is:
1. It is perfectly all right to give BJs because no animal is harmed in the
process.
2. It is okay to ingest sperm because it is not an animal.
3. Also, sperm is a good source of protein, something that is often lacking
when meat is removed from the diet.
You're still my favourite lap dance,
Can you guys imagine dating one of these gals?
I can see it in my mind's eye;
Your vegan girl comes home from work all worn out, craving your meat.
She looks at you and says,
"I need to blow you. I haven't had enough protein today. I'm dizzy and weak
and only a protein vanilla slurpee will do." Damn.
A breed of women who not only like performing oral sex, but consider it
nourishment.
I gotta get me a vegan.

A cop pulls over a blond and walks up to the car and unzips his pants.
The blond says,
"Oh no, not another breath test."

I'm not saying she's easy
But
she's had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.

There's nothing better than waking up to your girlfriend giving you a blow
job.
Unless, maybe, it was your wife giving you the blow job.
Or maybe your wife watching her girlfriend give you a blow job.
Better yet, your wife and her girlfriend and your girlfriend all fighting
over who gets to give you a blow job and they all decide to tag team on the
blow job.

What do women and condoms have in common?
They spend more time in your wallet, then on your dick.

A slightly overweight woman was opening up to the group at her weight
watchers meeting.
"My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a
woman with a trim figure."
"Well," the group leader assured her, "Whatever helps you reach your goal!"
"You don't understand," the woman said. "He does it while I'm stuck at these
damn meetings."

Good girls say no
Bad girls say when?
Naughty girls don't say anything, they just moan and scream a lot.