XXX ADULT PUNS!

There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, you're a tight 'n
She cried 'pon my soul
You're in the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one.

To truly love another, you must first love yourself.
And it wouldn't kill you to wash your hands in between either.

A man on a business trip went to a singles bar, approached two ladies, and
offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with him.
One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool, calm and
collected.

The difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised is
When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick.

The big-rig driver stopped to pick up a girl hitchhiker who was wearing very
short shorts.
"What's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she climbed up into the
truck.
"It's Snow -- Roy Snow," he answered, "and yours?"
"Me, I'm June Hansen," she said. "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with
those sidelong glances?" she challenged the trucker a few miles down the
road.
"Oh, I was just thinkin' what it might be like," he drawled, "having eight
inches of snow in June?"

God put men on earth because
A vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Mother superior at the grocery:
"I would like to have 120 bananas for the convent."
Salesman:
"If you buy such a large quantity, it is more economic to buy 144 of them."
Mother superior:
"Oh well, we could always eat the other 24."

Girl caught giving her boy friend a BJ,
"Gee, Dad, you told me that when it came to sex, I should use my head!"

A surgeon went to check one his patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she could
expect a complete recovery.
She asked him,
"How long will it be before I can resume a normal sex life again, doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter, doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied,
"Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after
having their tonsils out."

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about
it, he shouldn't!

Johnny is delivering newspapers.
He knocks one a door, a lady answers, and he says,
"Collect. That'll be five dollars."
She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but if you want, Ill give you sex
instead."
Johnny says, "All right."
He walks in, she undoes his pants, pulls them down, and there is the biggest
dick she's ever seen.
Johnny reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a handful of huge washers,
and starts sliding them onto his dick.
She says,
"You don't have to do that. I can take all of it."
He says,
"Not for five bucks. You can't."