XX ADULT PUNS!

An Asian woman walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2,000
yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, she walked in with 2,000 yen, and was handed $66.
She asked the teller why she got less money that week than the previous
week.
The teller said,
"Fluctuations. "
The Asian woman stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned
around and shouted,
"Fluc you Amelicans, too! "

My father wore the pants in the family -
- at least after the court order.

Jack left for a two day business trip to Chicago.
He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his
plane ticket on top of his dresser.
He turned around and headed back to the house.
He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen.
He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest
negligee.
She looked so good that he quietly tiptoed up behind her, reached out, and
squeezed her left tit.
"Just leave one quart of milk," she said. "Jack won't be here for breakfast
tomorrow."

Have you heard about the pregnant unwed mother?
Nobody could figure out what had gotten into her.

A blonde and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became bored.
"Hey, let's play a game" she said.
"What game?" was his bored reply.
"Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me,"
replied the blonde.
"What if I can't find you?" he answered, still bored.
"I'll be behind the piano," she said.

The most active muscle in a woman is the penis.

A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife.
"Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to
entertain suspicions as to your wife's infidelity." "Well, I'm pretty much
on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm
attentive to the wife." "One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the
midst of some pretty heavy lovemaking when the old lady in the apartment
next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that
racket on the weekends?'"

Hear about the college jock who flunked his geography final?
He thought Lapland was a private room at the local strip club.

A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to
question her husband.
"I know you've been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?"
The husband replied,
"Look, I don't want to upset you, there were many. Let's just leave it
alone."
The wife continued to beg and plead.
Finally, the husband gave in.
"Let's see." he said "There was one, two, three, four, five, six, YOU,
eight, nine, "

Remember,
If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

One day, a blonde and a brunette were out for a ride in the blonde's new
car.
Suddenly, some jerk pulled in front of them.
The blonde then put her lips on the steering wheel.
The brunette feared for her life, but had the courage to ask,
"What are you doing?!"
The blonde calmly replied,
"I'm trying to blow the horn."


A fundamentalist Baptist minister in Georgia, sorely tempted, finally
propositioned the choir director one night after practice, when they were
alone in the church.
"Where should we do it, Reverend?" she enthusiastically replied.
"Right here one the floor!" he panted.
"It'd be too cold." she whispered. "How about standing up?"
"Good lord, girl! Have you taken leave of you senses?" he shouted. "If
anyone came in, they'd think we were dancing!"