XX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young man of Thyme
Who had three wives at a time
When asked why he did it
He said "one's an idiot
And bigamy, sir, is a crime"

Hear about the new gay sitcom?
Leave it, it's Beaver.

I was late at a store the other night, the last customer.
The cute girl at the register said,
"Strip down, facing me."
You would have thought it would have dawned on me that she was talking about
swiping my credit card.
The good news.
Bail is not nearly as expensive as I thought it would be!

Lesbian:
A woman trying to do a man's job!

An Alabama redneck was sittin' on the sofa, with his half naked woman,
watching the news from San Francisco.
"Jus' look at them homo-sexshuals. They're ruining the country. With men
marryin' men, and women marryin' women. It's disgustin. Darlin', we oughta'
go out there and protest! Don't you think so?"
She replied,
"Yes, Daddy."

A junkie was found dead in an alley with shit in his veins.
He'd been shooting craps!

A few years ago a man who was openly gay was elected as the Mayor of Key
West, Florida.
After the election results were in, a horde of reporters surrounded him and
began asking him questions on how he won.
A young reporter walked up to him and said:
"Mr. Mayor, I understand that you used a basic grass roots campaign to win,
met lots of people, shook lots of hands, kissed lots of babies. I even heard
that you kissed a parakeet."
The mayor relied:
"That's right young man, I brought the campaign to the people, but I must
correct you on one point, I did not kiss a parakeet. I kissed a
Cock-or-two."

Have you heard about the randy priest?
He was a sinner qua nun.
In the monastery he was constantly trying to get into the habit.
When he did, he always waited for the second coming.

What does a woman not want to hear after good sex?
"Honey, I'm home!"

The wife stormed indoors,
"You bastard, I'll never get rid of that smell."
"But you said I could do it!" I replied.
"Like hell I did!" she said.
"You did. I told you the toilet was blocked and I was desperate."
"But I told you to go to your mum's round the corner?" she stammered.
"And I said I didn't think I'd make it and you said, never mind, here's my
keys and go in my car!"

What is the difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.