Marital Humour

They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.
As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.


Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil
in bed.
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.


Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!


Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill
u.


Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person
has, you wish you had ordered that.


Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr : married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr : No, but the thought of long life will never come.


Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!


Wife: Darling, today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.


What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!!'


What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray
in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.


When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.


A little boy went up to his father and asked :
'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'
His father replied:
'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have
mine.'


Jimmy's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :
'Jimmy seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time
thinking about girls.'
The mother wrote back the next day:
'If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his
father!'