XX - ADULT PUNS!

A woman was in a sex boutique shopping for vibrators when the clerk said,
"Perhaps you might be interested in this one. It's our most realistic model."
The woman said,
"You mean it's shaped exactly like a man's penis?"
"No," the clerk replied, "I mean that after five minutes it goes soft
for the rest of the night."

You can tell when a Scotchman is in love by the tilt in his kilt.

In a check out line the other day, a couple ahead of me were arguing
about whose turn it was to pay.
The clerk was kind of listening until she heard the lady said to the guy,
"Stop being a scrote."
With a furrowed brow the clerk asked,
"What is a scrote?"
Without missing a beat the lady responded,
"Short for scrotum. He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole."

I visited a cat house where business was so bad they couldn't even afford beds.
It was very embarrassing.
Every time customers came in, the girls were floored.

Dave was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily.
"What's up, Dave" asked the Landlord "It's not like you to be so down
in the mouth"
"It's my four year old son" the man replied.
"Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school? My lad's just
the same, forget about it, it happens to boys that age" said the
landlord, sympathetically.
"I only wish it was that" continued the customer, " but it's far worse
than that. The little bastard has got our gorgeous 18 year old next
door neighbour pregnant."
"Get away, that's impossible!" gasped the landlord
"It's not" said the man, "the little shit stuck a pin in all my condoms"

Everyone has heard of Elvis the Pelvis, but few people know that he
had a brother Enos.

A machine operator comes home from the factory and tells his wife:
"Honey, I've got some good news and some bad news. First, the good
news: I got $25,000.00 severance pay!"
His wife said:
"$25,000.00 in severance pay? That's great! Now, what's the bad news?"
He said:
"Wait till you hear what was severed!"

Tired of a listless sex life, the man asked his wife after making love,
"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She casually replied,
"You're never home!"

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex!"
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair flipping her gown at
him, she said,
"Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered,
"I'll take the soup."

Pick up Lines:
"Do you have some Irish in you? Would you like a piece of Irish in you?"