XX - ADULT PUNS!

"I always worry when you leave for a weekend with the guys," sobbed the
pretty young wife.
"Don't worry about me, babe," he soothed her. "I'll be back before you know
it."
"I know," she sighed. "That's what worries me."

Every weekend before she went out on a date, the young girl was told by her
mother,
"Remember, dear. When he tries to touch you a certain way, a girl's best
friends are her legs."
Much to her mother's dismay, however, several weeks later her daughter
announced that she was pregnant. "What! How did it happen? Didn't I tell you
that your best friends are your legs?"
"You did, Mama," she replied. "But there comes a time when even best friends
must part."

At the brothel, the man made a joke about each potential bed mate in turn
until one slapped him in the face.
"I'd like her," he said to the Madam.
"What on Earth was that all about?" she asked.
"Well, it's the only piece of advice my father gave me.
He said,
`Screw 'em if they can't take a joke.'"

A man says to his wife
"I had a wet dream about you last night"
"Aww did you?" wife replies.
"Yeah, I dreamt you were hit by a bus and pissed myself laughing"

Pick up Lines:
If I told you that you had a great body,
Would you hold it against me?

Back in the 60's, Lederle (pronounced: led-RR-lee) Laboratories, a leading
drug company, would have the same prefix for many of their trademarked
drugs.
They were all prefixed with leder:
Ledercillian, Ledermycin, Lederject, Ledercort, Lederfolin, Ledertrexate and
so on.
They even came up with a birth control drug, called it Lederalone.

The husband was watching late-nite TV, and his wife had gone to bed.
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs back to see what
was wrong with his wife. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
His wife yells,
"That guy just screwed me twice!"
He asks,
"Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?"
She answered,
"Because I thought it was you -- until he started the second time."

The biology teacher at the all-girl academy was handing back a test on male
anatomy on which the girls did poorly.
"I don't understand why you girls can't understand the male sex organ.
You've had it pounded into you all semester.