XX - ADULT PUNS!

Our local prostitutes claim they don't sell sex.
They tell the court that they sell condoms with free demonstrations.

Severely constipated, Ammar went to the doctor and was given a prescription
for suppositories.
Never having used them in the old country, Ammar proceeded to eat one a day
for a week.
Still constipated, he went back to the doctor who looked at him with
amazement.
"I can't believe it. A week of these and you still haven't moved your
bowels."
He threw up his hands.
"Are you sure you used the entire box?"
Snarling with disgust, Ammar said,
"What the hell you think I do, shove them up my ass?"

When I travel on an airplane, I like to be served TWA milk and TWA coffee.
But I love to be served TWA tea.

Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil tycoon demanded that divorce
proceeding begin at one against is young wife.
"What's the problem?"
"I want to hit that adulteress bitch for breach of contract," snapped the
magnate.
"I don't know if that'll fly," replied the lawyer. "I mean, your wife isn't
a piece of property, you do not own her."
"Damn right," the tycoon rejoined "but I sure as hell expect exclusive
drilling rights!"

A secretary, out with appendicitis, was being visited by a co-worker in the
hospital.
"How are things at the office going, Claudia?" she asked.
"Well, they're all sharing your work. Jody is making the coffee, Louise is
reading all your magazines, and Sharon is screwing the boss."

Rubber chicken:
Someone who is afraid of using condoms.

When my neighbour proudly told me he was surprising his new wife with a
horse for Christmas, I asked what kind of horses she liked to ride.
He said he wasn't sure, but she could probably ride about anything since she
had worked several years at the Mustang Ranch in Nevada.

I want to do another reality show based on 'The Mole', but it's really about
STDs -- sexually transmitted diseases -- and it's called,
'God, I Hope That's a Mole'.

He:
"Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
 She:
"That's a good idea. You stand by the stove and sink, while I sit on the
sofa and do nothing but fart"