XX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young lady of Maine
Who declared she'd a man on the brain.
But you knew from the view
Of the way her waist grew,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.

A fraternity brother confronted a junior member, telling him,
"A sorority girl is running around campus telling people you have a small
dick."
"Yeah?" the junior member replied. "Well, she has a big mouth."

Girl asks her mother:
"What is sex?"
Mother:
"Sex is when you stop a car driven by a man who offers you a meal in a
restaurant, and then you spend some time with him in the hotel room, sleep
with him once, and then each one go on his way and you have a hundred
dollars bill extra in your pocket."
Then the girl asks her mother:
"What is Super Sex?"
Mother:
"Super sex is when you stop a limousine driven by Chauffeur and a stylish
man is sitting in the back who takes you to a luxurious villa, gives you a
sumptuous meal with distinctive Caviar, and then you spend the night
together in bed and engage in sex more than once, and then you part with an
envelope containing a thousand dollars in your pocket."
And then the girl asks her mother:
"What is love?"
Mother:
"Love is a lie invented by men so that they can have sex with you for free."

What's the definition of a virgin hillbilly?
A 12 year old girl who can run faster than her brothers!

My boss thrust a picture under my nose,
"What the hell is this?" he asked.
"Well," I calmly replied, "It appears to be a photo of me screwing your
wife. You know that's not real don't you? It's clearly been Photo shopped."
"What?" he said, relaxing slightly, "How can you tell?"
"Well, your wife's tits aren't that big and they've airbrushed out the mole
by her fanny.

A very short man was dancing with a very tall woman.
He propositioned her, but all he got was a bust in the mouth.
Eventually, he went to bed with the woman, but his friends had to put him up
to it.

The counter man in the Ice Cream shop saw a customer leaving the drug store
across the way, heading for his shop.
The customer entered, set a small Thermos container on the counter and
unwrapped a condom.
"Here, take this condom. Drop a scoop of ice cream in it."
The counter man did so, and handed the condom, with its ice cream content,
to the customer.
The customer placed the arrangement in the Thermos jug, and capped the jug.
"What," asked the ice cream purveyor, "is the reason for that?"
"For three months, my wife has been bugging me for a deep freeze. Tonight,
I'm going to give it to her."

Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

A girl married a quiet, humble man and after one week, he came home rather
flustered.
"When I got to work this morning, I found a pencil tied to my willy."
"That's right," she said. "I thought if you couldn't come, at least you
could write.

At a music store there was a sign stating, "Bach's Organ Works."
Underneath someone had scribbled,
"So does mine."