British Humour - Non Halal

POLITICALLY INCORRECT.........just as intended!!!*

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*
Police in * *London have found a bomb outside a mosque....*  *
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.*
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During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling
tree.*  *
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said, "We didn't even know they
were living up there."*
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Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough
television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5
times a week now. *
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.*
*
How could anyone stoop so low.*
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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth
floor*  *balcony shaking a carpet.*  *
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"*
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A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates..*  *
He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet
Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.

"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.

"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder
that* *rises into the clouds.*  *

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder
in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets
another bearded man.*  *

He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

"No, I am Moses Mohammed is higher still."

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder
and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man
with a beard.*  *

Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

"No, I am Jesus... You will find Mohammed higher up."

Mohammed higher than Jesus!*  *

The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever
higher.*  *
Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and
repeats his question:*  *

"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from
all his*  *climbing.

"No my son... I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"*
*

"Yes, please, my Lord."

God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:
"Hey Mohammed, two coffees!!!!"*