XX Adult Puns!

In a new sex survey they found that 18 percent of people had sex four
or more times a week.
Now, here is the interesting part.
That number drops to 3 percent when you add the phrase,
"With a partner."

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time.
Later they go on to a show.
The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says,
"I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a
beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?"
 She agrees and a date is made.
The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps
him hard across the face.
He is stunned.
"What was that for?" he asked.
She said,
"I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said.
'Not well suited to bedding, but is excellent for rooting up against a
garden wall'."

Confucius says man who shoot off mouth,
Expect to lose face.

So, True story:
In Florida or North Carolina, I'm not sure.
But, there is a pancake house right?
It is on Cox Street.
Anyway, I called them one time.
They picked up, and said:
"Hello, IHOP on Cox, How may I help you?"
Now what would you say to that?

What do nymphos and doorknobs have in common?
Everyone gets a turn

The prostitute stood on the Nashville street corner when she saw a
gentleman walk up to her.
"Well, hello there," she said.
The man, who wasn't used to talking to strangers, said,
"Hi. What are you doing in a neighbourhood like this?"
She replied,
"I fulfil wishes!"
"Oh," the man said, "and how do you do that?"
"Make a wish," she told him, "a penny for your wish!"
The man blushed slightly, and then he said,
"I wish I was in bed with you!"
She got a smile on her face.
Then he said,
"Hey, nothing happened."
"I told you it was 'a penny for your thoughts' -- what I didn't tell
you is that it takes a hundred dollars for the wish to come true!"

A man was admitted to hospital suffering from premature ejaculation.
The doctors said it was touch and go.

Two college coeds were having a beer.
One said to the other,
"Mandy was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. She called
me late one night after my boyfriend and I had already gone to bed."
"What on earth did she want?" her friend asked.
"Oh, she just said,
"I can't believe I have a person inside me!"
I said,
"So do I. Could I call ya back in an hour or so?"

PREGNANCY:
When a woman is all swelled up from her mate's handiwork

A fellow went to a Halloween costume party dressed in only a grass skirt.
The theme of the party was "My Favourite Song," and attendees were
supposed to dress as that song title.
When the judging was set to begin, the fellow realized that the woman
in line next to him was nude, and quite attractive.
The judges asked the naked lady what song her "costume" represented.
She smiled coyly, and said
"Just As I Am."
The judges then asked the fellow in the grass skirt which song his
costume depicted, and he replied,
"It was going to be "Little Grass Shack in Hawaii," but since that
naked broad showed up, I changed it to "Coming Through The Rye!"

A blonde is like a frying pan.
You have to get them hot, before you put in the meat.

A guy runs into an ex-girlfriend, with whom he didn't have the
greatest relationship.
"You know, I was with another woman last night, but I was still
thinking of you."
"Why, because you miss me?"
"No, because it keeps me from cumming too fast."

A virgin hillbilly is a 12 year old girl who can run faster than her brothers.