XX - Adult Puns!

Before I started downing my gingko biloba with Phillips Milk of
Magnesia, I couldn't remember shit.

I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a
young female, drop-dead gorgeous!
I was embarrassed, but she said,
"Don't worry, I'm a professional. I've seen it all before. Just tell
me what's wrong and I'll check it out."
I said,
"I think my dick tastes funny."

The evangelist was haranguing the crowd and carrying on and on about sin,
"The wages of sin are high." he bellowed.
A young man sitting in the back yelled out,
"Not if you can find somebody who'll do it for free."

She was only the Road Worker's daughter,
But she knew how to get her asphalt.

A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found
it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and
that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term
relationships.
"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the
outside?" she asked earnestly.
"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet." counseled the therapist.
So, the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until
she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with
the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on.
She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him
back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.
When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but,
by the bedside table was a $50 bill and a note that read,
"With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of
shoes that fit you."

Never place a romantic interest above an intelligent friend --
Unless, the three of you are comfortable in that position.

I met a beautiful young woman at a nightclub.
We were getting on very well when she said she had something to show me.
She removed her wig and she was totally bald.
''It's alopecia,'' she said ''but if you still like me you can ask me
anything''.
I have always wanted to know, so I asked her straight.
''Does your condition make you bald in other places?'' I asked.
She whispered in my ear
''There's only one way to find out.''
What an idiot I am.
Forgetting about Google at a time like this.

Foot fetish:
What a woman has when she's never satisfied with anything less than
twelve inches.

The woman then instructs him to put a Matzo tattoo with " Happy
Pesach" up on her left thigh.
So, the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks
"If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual
tattoos on your thighs?"
She says,
"I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that
there's nothing good to eat between Purim and Pesach!"

You know that look women get when they want sex?
Me neither.