The Aliens Have Landed!

Two aliens landed on the  Salisbury plain  near a petrol station that
was closed for the night. They approached one of the petrol pumps  and
the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come
in peace. Take us to your leader."

The petrol pump, of course, didn't respond.

Annoyed at  the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said
gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace.  Take us to your
leader or I will fire!"

The older alien warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to
do that! I really think that will make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon  and
opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared
towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a
burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He
nearly killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy
friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my
intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his
penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'