Who's Clubbin'

Captain Workout:
This guy spends all week in the gym and wears his shirt so tight you
can see his heart beating.
Seen strutting around the club like Mr. Universe.

Shameeka Spandex:
You know her: 350 pounds squeezed into a size 6 red and yellow Spandex outfit.

Johnny Onedrink:
Takes three hours to finish one drink, then carries around a glass of
water and ice with a straw like it's vodka.
He has $3.50 in his pocket and a token.

The O.G.'s:
The Old Guys.
They just can't get over the fact that they're too OLD to be clubbing.
Their clubbing days are so far behind them, their *kids* can legally
buy alcohol.
They try to be hip with the younger crowd by using slang like, "That's fresh!"

The Ooohhh! Girl:
She's the girl who only does the swaying two step dance, until her
song comes on and she *shrieks* to her girlfriends, "Oooooh, that's my
song!"
From here on, she's shaking what her mama gave her.
She dances with whatever is in front of her:
Guy, Girl, bar, wall, speakers, etc.

Waste Of Time Willie:
This is the guy that dresses up, drives to the club, pays cover charge
to get in, then stands against the wall sipping on a Pepsi all night.

Billboard Billy:
Looks like he just stepped out of a rap video,
He needs to let everyone in the club know what brand of designer
clothing he's wearing, right down to his socks, because he must have
that one pant leg up.
It's pitch black in the club, and he's wearing $300 Versace Shades.
He's the one making a call on his cell phone ON the dance floor, with
a bottle of MOET, label facing out, in his other hand.

Takeenna & LaQuita:
The female equivalent of Siskel & Ebert, but they don't review movies.
They check everyone out from head to toe.
Also known for staring people down for long periods of time.

The First and Fifteenth Posse:
Those who only appear around the first and fifteenth of the month.

Touchy-Feely Tyrone:
He's the guy that loves to walk all over the club when it's crowded,
squeezing through girls and getting his free feels.

Robin Leech:
Not the TV host.
She has no money, but somehow gets some sucker to buy her drinks all
night, usually Billboard Billy.

Lockdown Lewis:
He has been in and out of jail so many times he has no clue as to what
is in or out of style.
He often shows up in a silk polka dot shirt and leather jacket.

Sheila Strobelight:
She looked good in the club, but outside ...
Damn!
And you bought her a drink, too!