XX Adult Puns!

She was only the violinist's daughter,
But she took off her G-string and all the boys fiddled.

This guy goes out with his buddies for a night on the town and they
cap off the festivities by going to a house of ill repute.
A week later, the guy visits his doctor complaining of a large green
lump on the end of his penis.
The doctor does a thorough exam, then pulls down a weighty medical
book and flicks through it till he finds what he's looking for.
He looks up and says,
"I'm afraid this is serious. We'll have to operate!"
"Operate?", exclaims the fellow, "Why, Doc? What's the problem?"
"Well, you know how boxers can get a cauliflower ear? You've developed
the same sort of thing. You've got a brothel sprout."

Height of Innocence:
A teenager girl applying Clearasil  to her nipples thinking them as pimples.

A pompous self made grocer named Bates gets his son into an expensive
private school.
On day one, the whole family is there to see the little blighter begin
his first day at school.
The grocer, his family in tow, saunters into the principal's office
and introduces himself thusly:
"I am Sir Shortweight Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter
Miss Bates and my son Master Bates."
"Oh does he?" asks the bemused principal, "we will soon get him out of
that terrible habit."

After a night of drink and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next
to a really ugly woman.
That's when he realized he had made it home safely.

My wife has worked as a magician's assistant for years now.
I think she has picked up a few tricks.
I came home from work early today and she was in the bedroom.
She said,
"Abracadabra!" and my best friend, Dave, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked.
Poor bastard must have wondered what the hell was going on.

I recently read in one of the tabloids at the supermarket,
"Woman Gets Pregnant While Doing Lambada"
I guess that goes to show that the rhythm method just doesn't work!

You are suffering form what is technically known as an Electra
Complex," the psychiatrist is informing his blonde female patient.
"In other words, you are in love with your father."
The blonde breaks down into hysterical sobbing.
"Now, now," comforts the shrink. "It's not all that bad."
"Yes, (sniff)  yes, it is," sobs the blonde, "I have no chance at all.
He's a married man!"

Like the song says, there are 50 ways to leave your lover,
But getting caught in bed with her sister is pretty foolproof and
makes for a much shorter list.

A state trooper notices a car weaving in the road, and when he pulls
it over a beautiful woman gets out.
She is clearly under the influence, but just to make sure he gives her
the breathalyzer test.
Sure enough, she's over the limit.
So, the trooper says,
"Madam, you've had a couple of stiff ones.
"Oh," says the lady, "it shows that too?"

Rear Admiral:
A gay naval officer