XX - Adult Puns!

Men have two emotions:
Hungry and horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

How come I can have sex with a woman for free, and it's legal.
In order to get her to have sex with me, I can buy her drinks and
dinner, and it still remains legal.
However, if I pay a woman to have sex with me, it becomes illegal.
But, if I pay a woman to have sex with me on camera, and distribute
copies for it for profit, it suddenly becomes legal again.

Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl says,
"Oh my God! It was really great, but I was so scared after his rubber
broke. I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened."
"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get
the last little piece of it out with dental floss."

Absent-minded is hardly the word for the pretty secretary who left her
clothes at the office and took her boss to the cleaner.

In the middle of the harvesting, one of the farmhands had to obey the
call of nature.
He went to the edge of the field and started peeing.
Most unfortunately, he was stung by a bee right on the "tip".
The pain was unbearable, but he knew a piece of good advice.
He went to the farmer's house and put his penis in buttermilk.
At that moment the farmer's daughter came in.
With her face red, she stood perfectly still looking at him.
"Have you never seen one of these before?" the farmhand asked.
To which the girl replied:
"Yes, but this is the first time I've seen one being reloaded!"

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking
for some hot action!
So, I sent her my ironing.
That'll keep the lazy woman busy.

Gail, the attractive secretary, was inclined to brag way too much
about her "dates" to suit the other women in the office.
One day, she was going on and on about a Texan who had treated her
like a queen all evening and at the end of the date, gave her two
hundred dollar bills for "cab fare."  "Imagine that," came a voice
from the other side of the filing cabinets,
"A hundred-and-eighty dollar tip."

A man was lying naked, face down on a table, with his wife rubbing his
back with toilet paper.
He says,
"I hate it when you treat me like shit."

One day Pebbles Flintstone was in bed with Fred and Wilma.
They were both naked.
Pebbles sees Fred's penis and says,
"Daddy, what's that?" and Fred says,
"Th-that's... Um... that's daddy's rock."
A little while later Pebbles looks down and sees Wilma's vulva.
"What's that, mommy?" she asks.
"Oh.. That.. that's mommy's rock grinder."
All of a sudden Pebbles sits up and says,
"I get it! Daddy puts his rock into mommy's rock grinder and out comes pebbles!"

A psychic woman claims to be able to tell a man's future by having sex with him.
Can't every woman do this?
You have sex, and the man falls asleep!