XX - Adult Puns!

So, he asked me what I wanted, and I told him,
"A long, strong, stiff one."
You should have seen his face when I said,
"I meant a drink!"

WalMart will soon offer a line of makeup called GeoGirl for 8- to 12-year-olds.
It includes a cleanser, mineral blush, eye shadow, lash mascara, face
shimmer and more.
They're described as "mother approved" cosmetics formulated for young
skin, with natural ingredients  to prevent aging.
By "mother-approved," they mean Lindsay Lohan's mother.

Thomas Gladstone, a stockbroker, received an urgent phone call one afternoon.
"My name is Walters," the caller announced. "About two weeks ago, my
wife got this crazy idea and started walking the street, asking me to
procure customers for her."
"Just a minute," Gladstone protested. "You want Dr. Gladstone the
psychiatrist. His name is right below mine in the phone book. Many
people dial me by mistake."
"No mistake," came the reply. "I want you to invest all the money we're making.

Nurses make poor lovers because they always wait for the swelling to go down!

Did you hear about the new study that says,
"Sex decreases your chances of getting a cold?" the more sex you have,
the less chance you'll have a cold.
Now every time a woman sneezes, I hear someone say,
"Hey, I got something for that."

A lesbian holds her liquor by the ears.

A blonde patient was being counseled by the doctor at the local  health clinic.
"Until the penicillin cleans out your infection, you  can't have any
relations whatsoever!" The young girl replied,
"Okay, but what about friends and neighbours?"

Man said to wife
"Alright you sexy thing, upstairs now"
She looked at him and said
"Ooh, you kinky bastard"
He said
"No, seriously, hockey is starting, now F off'!