XX - Adult Puns!

When a horse playing golfer named Trey
Goosed a girl in the rough one fine day,
He found her, though willing,
Just barely fulfilling...
"I would rate her," said Trey, "a par lay."

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on the
support of Paul.
Of course, Paul's support is obvious, but it is equally obvious that
to rob from Peter to pay Paul will make Peter very, very angry.
My question is this,
"How can you run a good government with a sore Peter?

Sperm in a gay relationship become claustrophobic because there is no
womb to move around in.

In Britain, Debenhams department store reports that sales of sexy
lingerie as Valentine gifts are far outstripping sales of expensive
roses and chocolates.
A spokeswoman said,
"Lingerie is less expensive, lasts longer, and provides hours of fun
after the rose petals have wilted. It really is the gift that keeps
giving, and it gives buyers a bigger 'bang for their buck.'"
We are talking British couples.
So, don't expect that big a bang.
Valentine roses are a rip-off,
But lingerie is only a rip-off, if you rip it off."

If Dracula hired a lady of the evening, could she be considered,
"Down for the count"?

This young couple have been trying to have a baby.
After six months they complain to the doctor that they just aren't
having any luck.
"What position are you in when you ejaculate?" the physician asks
Frank, the husband. "What's 'ejaculate'?" asks Frank.
"Well, uh, that's when you climax and semen is emitted," explained the
doctor patiently. The young man looks puzzled for a few moments then
asks,
"Do you mean the gooey white stuff? Well, my little honey says it's
icky, so I shoot it into the pillow."

My Love for you is like diarrhoea because I can't hold it in.

A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter.
He asks her to "go downtown."
So, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts
peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and
that, studying the whole business.
After about five minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice,
"Well, just what are you doing?"
She replied,
"I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money - just looking."

If you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy,
You get a red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

A man walked into my office carrying a strange looking bottle.
"What's that?" I asked.
"It's a bizarre product we found."
"What does it do?"
"It is supposed to be a topical lovemaking aid for women," he said
examining the bottle. "When applied to the... ER... Umm... Clitoris, a
rush of blood is let in and the woman is supposed to experience
pleasures she's never dreamed of."
"Gimme that stuff!" I said grabbing it out of his hand. I looked at
the directions for use.
It said:
Apply liberally with tongue.

Pizza delivery men come in 30 minutes or it's free.

A happily married man, one night, asked his wife to have sex "doggy style."
"No!" she said, aghast.
Throughout their long relationship, he would periodically ask her to
have sex "doggy style."
She always emphatically said,
"No!"
Finally, on the man's deathbed, he asked his wife why she refused his
simple request to have sex on her hands and knees.
"Hands and knees?" she said, "I thought you meant in the front yard!"

These days the only real "safe sex" involves going out with a man
who's impotent.