Huge groans

I got some new aftershave today that smells like bread crumbs , the
birds love it!

Tampax have announced today that they will be replacing the cord on
their tampons with a piece of tinsel. This will be for the Christmas
period only.

David Cameron has announced that he intends to make it more difficult
to claim benefits. From next week all the forms will be printed in
English.

Husband says to wife 'My Olympic condoms have arrived I think I'll
wear gold tonight' . Wife says 'Why don't you wear silver and come
second for a change?'

I was driving this morning when I saw an AAA van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looking very miserable. I
thought to myself 'That guy's heading for a breakdown'.

An RAF fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a
flying carpet on each side of his plane both with a machine gunner on
board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right
b-ollocking - apparently they were Allied Carpets!

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English
speaking Doctor'. I thought what a good idea, why don't we have them
in our country?

The lead actor in the local pantomime Aladdin was sexually abused
from behind on stage last night. To be fair, the audience did try to
warn him......