Smart Ass Answers

It was mealtime during an airline flight.  'Would you like dinner?'
the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.  'What are my
choices?'  John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her.  Without missing a beat,
she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,'
the officer said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well, I got here as fast as
I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
his way without a ticket.

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I
might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,
or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!'  A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his
hand and asked,  'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was
suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'  The entire
class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was
restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head
and sweetly said,  'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with
your other hand.'

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband,  'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.