XX - Adult Puns!

You know you are getting old when you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Women never blink during foreplay because they don't have time.

Sadie, a blonde, sent the following email to all her women friends.
"Dear All, I hate hoax warnings, but this one is important!
Please send this warning to all the women friends in your email address book: -
If a man comes to your front door saying he is conducting a survey and
asks you to take off your clothes, dont do it. Its a scam.
He only wants to see you naked.
PS I wish I had got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap now.

I overheard my father telling a family friend about my newly-assigned
mission in the U. S. Coast Guard.
I work on a cutter that escorts all cruise ships and international
vessels under the bridges in California's Bay Area.
But what my father told his friend was,
"She's involved in some sort of escort service."

One day, little Mikey comes home from kindergarten for lunch.
Not finding his mother in the kitchen or the living room, he heads
upstairs to check her bedroom.
He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also
come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked,
heavily into the act of lovemaking.
Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong.
Mikey watches, and after a couple of minutes asks,
"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride? "
"Of course, Son, weÌre a family. "
So, Mikey climbs on, and after a few more minutes his mother starts
moaning and writhing wildly.
"Hang on Dad! " cries Mikey, "This is where me and the mailman usually
fall off! "

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"