XX - Adult Puns!

Kevin said to his friend James,
"I'm breaking up with Sherry!"
"Are you crazy? Sherry is a beautiful and smart woman!" said James.
Kevin responded,
"Last night Sherry broke down and told me she was bisexual, and who
the hell wants to screw just twice a year?"

A female personnel director became very embarrassed when interviewing
a male job applicant, she asked her assistant,
"Do I have an opening this man will fit?"

I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts for eating a brownie.

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man,
"Holy crap. That must be my husband!"
So, the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped
out the window like a crazy man.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then
started to run as fast as he could to his car.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman,
"I am your husband!"
The woman yelled back,
"Yeah, then why were you running?"
And that, folks, is how the fight started.

Have you heard about the fellow who was delivering an outhouse?
He had a good head on his shoulders.

"And then he had the nerve to ask me, 'Do you spit or swallow?'"
"Oh, geez! What did you say?"
"I said, 'Neither. I bite!'"

Just as he was leaving for work, the man's wife told him that there
was a leak in the plumbing.
He told her to call a plumber and have it fixed.
When he got to work, he gave her a call and asked,
"Has the plumber come yet?"
She replied,
"Not quite, but I have him breathing hard."

The most popular guy at a nude beach is the guy who can carry two cups
of coffee and seven donuts.
The most popular girl at the nude beach is the girl who can eat the
seventh donut.