XXX ADULT PUNS!

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
Each one had a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents,
Do you think they went for water?

This couple had been going out together for quite a while and was thinking
about getting married.
They finally decided to spend a night in a motel to see if they were
sexually compatible.
The next morning he dropped her off at her apartment and he said,
"So long Lucy."
She said,
"Goodbye, Shorty."

What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
A dicktater.

A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer, seeking the
main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The Lady:
"Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source
of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said:
"Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed):
"Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation
between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
The Farmer:
"And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
The reporter:
"Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the
point?"
The Farmer:
"I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your
boobs twice a day and only having sex once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"

What do you call a chain of hotel rooms where midgets can stay for nothing?
Stay Free Mini Pads.

An old man made it shakily through the door to the Mustang Ranch, outside
Reno, Nevada.
The receptionist stared at him.
"You gotta be in the wrong place," she exclaimed. "What are you looking
for?"
"Ain't this the famous Mustang Ranch? Ain't this where you got four or five
girls ready-n-able?"
The receptionist looked perplexed,
"Ready for what?"
"I want a girl," the old man rasped. "I wanna get some action."
"How old are you, Pop?" she asked.
"Ninety-two," he replied.
"Ninety-two? Pop, you've had it!"
"Oh," said the old man, a little disconcerted as his trembling fingers
reached for his wallet.
"How much do I owe you?"

The difference between a nun at vespers and a nun in the bathtub is;
A nun at vespers has hope in her soul.

A guy goes into the doctor's office and says he has a problem in his rectum.
The doctor tells him to take off his pants and sees that there is a lettuce
growing out of his ass.
The doctor examines it and the guy says
"Is this serious?"
And the doctor says "You have a big problem here, buddy. And this is just
the tip of the Iceberg!"

Propose:
A provocative stance by a prostitute or fashion model


I'm not saying she's a slut,
But
If dicks had wings her mouth would be an airport