XX ADULT PUNS!

The smell of limburger won't please
Most people, and I'm one of these
In fact that's the way
Most folks came to say
That farting, is cutting the cheese


Uncle Professor asked his nephews, Little Pauly and Little Maury,
"Do you know what the elements are?"
Maury, hesitantly:
"Fire -- Water -- I can't remember any other, Uncle."
"How about you, Pauly?" asked uncle Professor.
Pauly, confidently:
"Fire, Water, Earth and Screwing."
Uncle Professor was flabbergasted.
"That filthy thing you named, whatever made you include it?"
Pauly:
"My sister says that when her boyfriend gets to screwing, he's really in his
element."

Since his indiscretions have come to light, Several of Tiger Woods' sponsors
have dropped him.
However, Pfizer has decided to sponsor him.
They are making a new drug called 'Tiagra'.
"It's good for 18 holes."

A youth walks into the kitchen where his mom is fixing dinner.
"Mom, I got a splinter in my finger. Can I have a glass of cider?"
"Are you sure you don't want me to pull it out?"
"No thanks, just the cider."
So, she gives him the cider and watches him trot contentedly off.
About fifteen minutes later, the boy returns to the kitchen and again asks
his mother for a glass of cider.
His mother, not wanting to question his reasoning, gives him another glass
and again watches him leave happy.
Ten minutes later, the boy returns once again and asks for a glass of cider.
The mother complies with her son's wishes again, but her curiosity has been
piqued to the point where she can't resist knowing why any longer.
So, she wanders into the family room and sees her son sitting in front of
the TV with his finger in the glass.
"Why on earth do you have your finger in that glass?" she asks.
"Well, Mom, I heard Sis on the phone say that whenever she has a prick in
her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."

You shouldn't hire two Greek guys in the same workplace
Because
They will always find a way to get a little behind in their work.

After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed
out of the room after the class was over.
Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked,
"Judy, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about
to kill someone."
"I am!" Judy fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All
summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' was tossing a coin
for position."

In tennis one toe over the line is a foot fault,
But
The biggest mistake in tennis is an ass fault.

Mary and Sue were always trying to get the other's goat and today they were
meeting for lunch.
Mary noticed that Sue was walking bow legged and asked what the problem was.
Sue replied,
"Oh nothing. It's just that my husband is so big, I just can't take it."
Mary replied,
"I know. I know."

Gladiator:
A Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two
front teeth.