XX ADULT PUNS!

Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffet
Eating a Kurd all day.
Along came a spider, who sat down beside her,
And with her he had his whey


A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.
She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down.
He gets out his light and says,
"Open wide."
"I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms!"

A passionate kiss like a spider's web,
Soon leads to the undoing of a fly.

I'm not saying she's a slut,
But
Even a claustrophobic person would be okay inside her.

A blonde teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me. Babies come out of the same place where
boys put their thingies?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come
up, and she wouldn't have to explain it in detail to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the daughter, "won't it knock my
teeth out?"

Secretary to boss:
"I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the good news?"
"You're not sterile."

The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the city running errands downtown
when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby,
"Twenty bucks for a blow job,"
At which point the passerby and the woman promptly went down the next alley,
where they went out of view.
The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another street
corner in the city.
He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman, much the same as the
first, stated to another passerby,
"Twenty bucks for a blow job," at which point the two rapidly went into a
nearby alley, where the abbot couldn't see what was going on.
Still not knowing what a "blow job" was, the abbot left the city as naive as
he was upon entering it.
Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blow job was, so
he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent.
"Mother superior," he asked, "what's a blow job?"
"Twenty bucks, same as downtown."

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
All you can eat under a buck.

Judy took her seat on opening day of her college class.
The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said,
"What are you doing, wearing a football jersey?"
She replied,
"Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn't I wear it?"
He said,
"You're not supposed to wear it unless you've made the team."
"Oh," she replied, "Who did I miss?"

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Donuts.