XXX Adult Puns!

There was a young teacher named Flo.
Whose lover had pulled out too slow.
So, they tried it all night
'Till he got it just right.Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.


Anne's fine figure had been poured into a beautiful form-fitting gown and
she made a point of calling her date's attention to it over and over again
throughout the evening.
Finally, over a nightcap in his apartment he said,
"You've been talking about that dress all evening long. You called my
attention to it first when we met for cocktails, mentioned it again at
dinner, and still again at the theatre. Now that we're here alone in my
apartment, what do you say we drop the subject?"

Sex is like going to the gas station.
Sometimes you get full service, and sometimes you have to go to self-serve.

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor comes into the room
and says,
''I have something to tell you about your child.''
The woman slowly sits up with a worried look one her face and says,
''What's wrong with it?''
The doctor says,
''There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different! It's a
hermaphrodite.''
The woman looks confused. '
'A hermaphrodite, what's that?''
The doctor replies,
''It has both features of a male and a female.''
The woman looks at him and says,
"Wow, you mean it has a penis and a brain?''

What should you do if your sister-in-law sits on your glasses and breaks
them?
Next time remember to take them off first.

A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City.
The taxi driver, who happened to be an old Jewish man, opened his eyes wide
and stared at the woman.
He made no attempt to start the cab.
She said to him,
"What's wrong with you honey? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"
The old man said
"Lady, I'm not staring at you, I am telling you, dat vould not be proper
vare I come from".
She said,
"Well, if you're not staring at my boobs sweetie, what are you doing then?"
He said,
"Vell, I am looking and I'm looking, and I am tinking to myself, vare in DA
hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?"

I'm not saying she's a slut,
But
If her vagina was a restaurant, it would be a drive-thru.

A trucker had driven his rig to the top of a steep hill and was starting
down the other side when he noticed a man and woman lying in the center of
the road, making love.
He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on the couple.
Realizing that they were not about to get out of the way, he slammed on his
brakes and stopped just inches away from them.
Getting out of the truck, madder than hell, the driver walked to the front
of the cab and looked down at the couple, still in the road, and yelled,
"What the hell is the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me? You could
have been killed!"
The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up
and said,
"Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming! You were the only
one with brakes!"

I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I screwed a girl called Penny -- is that spooky or what?