XXX ADULT PUNS!

Woman wanted to screw on her date
Man was flaccid.
She said,
"I can't wait."
Put blue pill in his hand.
"Take it now, understand?"
He replied,
"Let me get this straight."


The attorney said to the victim on the witness stand,
"When my accused client hit you with a near lethal blow, you were
hospitalised. What did you have in your hands at that time?"
The injured replied,
"I had his wife's legs raised and held in my hands."

The bar room was crowded.
All of a sudden, the cute little thing on the stool began to cry.
The barkeep asked,
"What's the trouble, Sweetie?"
She sobbed,
"I'm a virgin, and my boyfriend won't have anything to do with me because
I'm inexperienced. What should I do?"
Three men and a lesbian were killed in the rush.

Got this text from my brother recently.
It read.
"Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she
caught me measuring my dick. It just reaches the back of her sister's
throat!"

A Doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast.
The Doctor, clearly miffed, blurts out to his wife,
"I don't know why I even put up with you. You aren't even good in bed!"
He then stormed off to work.
By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home.
After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answers the phone.
"What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?" he asks.
"I was in bed," she answers.
"What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?" he asks.
"Getting a second opinion!" comes her climactic reply.

A very short man was dancing with a very tall woman.
He propositioned her, and all he got was a bust in the mouth.
Eventually he went to bed with the woman, but his friends had to put him up
to it.

Judy was describing her evening's exploits to a friend.
"After dinner, "she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I
refused. I told him how my mother would worry if I did anything like that."
"That was smart," her friend said, approvingly,
"Then what happened? "
"Oy, Michael kept insisting, and I kept refusing,"
Judy said.
"You didn't weaken your resolve did you?" asked the friend.
"Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his
mother worry."

COOKIE:
A virgin doughnut.