XX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighbourhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle

The attractive Yuppiette, admired by all the husbands at the club, was
talking to one of the wives over drinks.
"I've developed an immunity to being used by men as a sex object."
The wife grinned and replied,
"That's not surprising darling, considering the number of times you've been
inoculated."

When you mix PMS with GPS,
You get a crazy bitch who WILL find you.

A young couple were on their honeymoon in New England and decided to stop at
a historic graveyard to look around.
After a few moments and knowing glances, they stripped off their clothes and
went at it on a tomb.
The next day, the wife had a backache from her adventures and went to see a
doctor.
The doctor asked her to strip and then examined her.
"How old are you, my dear?" the doctor asked.
"I am 22!" replied the wife. "Why?"
The doctor replied,
"Because on your butt it says that you were born in 1755."

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny lady?
A counterfeit dollar is a phony buck.

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night in a hotel room and
Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was,
"Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said
"No."
Daisy told Donald that they could not have sex if he didn't have a condom.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So, Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had
condoms,
"Yes, we do," the clerk said, and pulled one out from under the counter and
gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked,
"Would you like me to put that one your bill?"
"No!" Donald yelled. "What kind of a pervert do you think I am!"

Love is a matter of chemistry,
Sex is a matter of physics.

Jim paid $500 to a madam for a virgin whore.
He was sent to an upstairs room, where a fresh-faced 18-year-old expertly
sucked him to the brink of coming, then quickly finished him off in her
cunt.
The whole session lasted less than five minutes.
The john was not happy.
"They said I'm the first man you ever fucked," he complained.
The girl looked blankly at Jim.
"You might be," she smiled helpfully. "Your face looks familiar."

Dairy Queen:
A milkman in high heels

Mike picked up an attractive woman, named Linda, who flagged down his car in
a seedy part of town.
As they rode, he asked her what she did for a living.
Linda winked at Mike and said,
"I'm a magician."
"No way," Mike scoffed. 'Prove it."
So, Linda touched him on the thigh, and "Poof," Mike turned into a hotel.

An Australian leisure centre is
A sheep tied to a lamp post.