XXX ADULT PUNS!

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating a Kurd all day.
Along came a spider, who sat down beside her,
And with her he had his whey


The constipated composer couldn't finish the last movement.

The guy who delivers our office supplies has a heavy Portuguese accent, and
when he saw the National Geographic video about seals sitting on the table
he smiled broadly and shouted,
"Foka! Foka!"
"No," I said, "If you Fuck one of those in this country I'm pretty sure
you'll go to prison on some 'humping and endangered species' charge."
"No, no, no," he said quickly. "Foka mean 'seal' in Portuguese."
"I see," I said pointing to the big seal next to the little seal in the
picture. "So I'm betting that that's the mother foka?"

Half of all people use the Internet, and the other half of the people have
sex with a live partner.


Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her
constipation.
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the
morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."

A fourth-grader is sitting at dinner with his parents and says,
"Pop, today one of the kids in my class called me a faggot."
His father says,
"Well, son, tomorrow I want you to walk up to that boy on the playground and
punch him right in the nose."
His son says,
"Do I have to, Pop? He's awful cute."

A doctor examining a young woman with abdominal pains asked her if she were
sexually active.
She said that she was not.
Examination revealed she was pregnant.
Asked why she said she was not sexually active, the woman replied,
"I'm not, I just lie there."
"Well, do you know who the father is?" the doctor asks.
With a puzzled look she replies,
"No. Who?"

Did you hear about the medieval prostitute who worked six knights a week?

I ran in to Bill the other day and he clearly looked very distraught.
I asked him what was wrong.
Bill said,
"As you know, I am looking for employment. I found an ad in the paper for a
part in local dinner theater, Shakespeare's 'Romeo And Juliet'. I went and
tried out for the part of Romeo. However, I failed my audition through a
misunderstanding over a simple stage direction. My copy of the script
clearly said, "Enter Juliet from the rear."