X ADULT PUNS

VIRUS ALERT!
Ellen Degeneres virus -
Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.

Monica Lewinsky virus -
Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Titanic virus -
Makes your whole computer go down.

Disney virus -
Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Mike Tyson virus -
Quits after one byte.

Prozac virus -
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

Sharon Stone virus -
Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.
Lorena Bobbit virus - Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last
night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. (Gil
Ross)

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom.
It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.


Pick-up Line:
How about you sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops
up.

A slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but
as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece.
In those days, believe it or not, the athletes performed naked.
To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink
containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.
At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of
naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed:
"OH!! Limp pricks!"
Over the next two and a half millennia that morphed into 'Olympics'.

A ladder was placed against the bedroom window of a burning house, and a
young fireman rushed up.
Inside was a curvy brunette in a see-through nightie.
"Aha," said he, "You're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!"
"But I'm not pregnant," indignantly exclaimed the brunette.
"You're not rescued yet either."