XX - More ADULT PUNS

To make a bull sweat, give him a tight Jersey.

If your wife tells you sex is a 'pain in the ass', turn her over.

What bracha (Hebrew prayer) does one say before taking the Viagra pill?
There is a choice of 3 blessings:
1. Boruch Atah HaShem zokeif k'fuffim - Bless you God for
straightening those who are bent.
2. Ya'aleh v'yavo - Arise and come.
3. Boruch Atah HaShem mechayei hameitim - Bless you God for raising the dead.

The Scottish farmer thought he'd caught a nasty STD.
But it turns out he was just allergic to wool.

A man walks into his doctors.
The doctor asks the man why he is there.
He replies,
"It's my penis, I would like you to take a look at it."
The doctor says,
"Very well then, if you get up onto the bed and get it out I'll have a
look for you."
The man jumps up onto the bed and produces a 12-incher from his underpants.
After about five minutes examining it, the bemused doctor says,
"I have to say, I can't see anything wrong with it."
To which the man replies,
"I know, it's a fucking beauty, he?!"

Men are like.....
Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

Q: I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in
that delicate position?
A: Authorized personnel only--doctors, nurses, orderlies,
photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

Late one night a woman was walking home when a man grabbed her and
dragged her into the bushes.
"Help me! Help me!" she screamed. "I'm being robbed!"
"You ain't being robbed, slut!" her attacker interrupted. "You're
being screwed!"
The woman looked down at her attacker as he unzipped his jeans.
"If you're screwing me with that," she fumed, "I am being robbed!

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom.
He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep.
Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and
proceeded to make love to her.
Afterward, as he hurried down-stairs for something to eat, he was
startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.
"How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came
over early and had complained of
Having a headache. I told her to lie down for a while"
Rushing up-stairs, the wife ran to the bedroom.
"Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"
The mother-in-law huffed,
"I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start."