Spells That Actually Work !!

Spell to Get Measles.
1. Find someone who has measles.
2. Lick them....!

Spell to Turn Day Into Night~
1) Stand facing a large tree or wall.
2) Close eyes tightly.
3) Keeping eyes closed, run straight ahead as fast as you can.

Spell to Breathe Under-Water
1) Attach concrete block to your feet.
2) Jump into water.
3) Breathe normally and sing the tune to "Flipper".
4) Takes about 5 minutes for lungs to adjust.

Spell to Commune With Pink Elephants
1) Pour glass of vodka or alcoholic drink of choice.
2) Drink.
3) Repeat steps 1-3.

Spell to Attract Lightning
1) Cover yourself in metal: jewellery, chains, golf
Clubs, nails, nuts & bolts, hub-caps. Etc.
2) Go out into a thunderstorm and hold a long TV
Antenna high in the air.
3) Wait.

Spell to Stop a Runny Nose.
1. Get two cotton balls.
2. Shove one up each nostril.
3. Tape them there.

Spell to Make a Person fall in Love with You.
1. Call person at least thirty times a day.
2. Park outside their house and shut your headlights
Off.
3. Leave sweet tokens on doorstep ( I.e.-roses without
Petals, a nice headless Barbie doll...).
4. Follow them everywhere they go... Careful, they'll
Try to lose you!
5. Don't worry if they get that silly restraining order,
That means the spell is working!

Spell to Make Your Computer Fast.
1. Open Window.
2. Throw Computer out window.
(If the computer hits the ground really fast, the spell worked.)

Spell to Save on Gas.
1. Cut holes in floorboards of car.
2. Remove shoes.
3. While still seated, pedal feet really fast.
4. Scream "Yabba Dabba Do!"
Optional: Invite passengers to join in the fun!

A Spell to Go to the Bathroom
1) Drink so much water that you think you will burst.
2) Drink another glass anyway.
3) Wait ten minutes, then guzzle a can of Pepsi.
4) Repeat step 3 as often as desired to increase the
Spell's' effect.

Alternate Spell to Go to the Bathroom.
1. Eat a bushel of prunes.
2. Take a dose of Exlax.
3. Wait. Stay close to the bathroom!

WARNING:
Spells are not guaranteed!
Use at your own risk !

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Some Funny Quotes and Thoughts!

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an
idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world
everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper."

"If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television
in the dark."

"Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a
floppy disk to reach a high shelf."

"An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes
it sound confusing."

"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's
the first thing you do?Turn out the lights! "

"I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier."

"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things."

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."

"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."

"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who
invented the other three, he was the genius. "

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

MacPherson celebrated his 95th birthday

When old MacPherson celebrated his 95th birthday,
his cronies, for a joke, sent him an attractive masseuse.
When she rang the doorbell, he hobbled to answer and
found himself gazing at a svelte blonde figure.
"I'm here to give you super sex," she said brightly.
He thought for a minute.
"I'll have the soup,"he said finally.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Old one but good..

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk
around the block? Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think
he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says,
"Dad,may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but
she said Belle was in heat, and to come to you." Dad said, "Bring
Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and
scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go
now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the
block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with
no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

( YOUR GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! )

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the
block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Fast talking Canadians - Have not seen this before

A man in a supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

A very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole
heads of lettuce.

The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask
his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some
asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his
sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he
added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you
got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think
on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

" Canada , sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada ?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up
there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada ."

"No shit?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Family Jokes

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the
dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was
happening and kept he conversation going.

The guests co-operated & also continued as if nothing extraordinary
was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there
was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard
to say,

"You see, it is vanishing cream!"

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across
the middle of the road.
He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit
jumped in front of the car and was hit.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled
over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the
rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead.
The driver felt so awful, he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the
road and pulled over.
She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman told the man not to worry.
She knew what to do.

She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can.
She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of
the can onto the rabbit.
Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the
two humans and hopped down the road.
50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two
again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped
another 50 feet.
The man was astonished!
He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can!
He ran over to the woman and demanded,
"What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said:
"'Hair Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hair. Adds Permanent Wave."

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because
she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt
like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's
occupation.
'He's a funeral director,' she answered.
'Interesting,' the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her
first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly,
explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early
20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher
when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had
married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained,
'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready,
and four to go!!!

A lady from California purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon.
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.
She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and
got many splinters in her private parts.
In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.

He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room
and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor re-appeared.

The angry lady demanded,
"What took you so long?"

The unperturbed doctor replied,
"Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency,
the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could
remove old-growth timber from a recreational area."

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Automobile Acronyms

AUDI.
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster

BUICK.
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET.
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE.
Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FIAT.
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix It Again, Tony!

FORD
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of Research & Development
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. & Ron`s DNA
Backwards -< Driver Returns On Foot

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

IDIOTS of 2006:

NUMBER ONE IDIOT of 2006:

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
Poison control centre.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she
Caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation,
Happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat
in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
Emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
**********************************************************************

NUMBER TWO IDIOT of 2006:

Early this year,
Some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
Life raft from one of the 747's.
They were successful in getting it out of
The plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
They noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

*****************************************************************************

NUMBER THREE IDIOT of 2006:

A man,
Wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America ,
Walked into the branch and wrote, "this iz a stickup.
Put all yur muny in this bag."
While standing in line,
Waiting to give his note to the teller,
He began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So, he left the Bank of America and crossed the
Street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line,
He handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and,
Surmising from his spelling errors,
That he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour,
Told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was
written on a Bank of America deposit slip
And that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said,
"OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later,
As he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

********************************************************

NUMBER FOUR IDIOT of 2006:

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail, a ticket for $40 and a photo of his
car. Instead of payment,
He sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a
Letter from the police that contained another picture,
This time, of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.

Smart-butt. But you still get a sign.

*****************************************************************

NUMBER FIVE IDIOT of 2006:

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
The cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
The robber saw a bottle of Scotch that
He wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
But the cashier refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was,
But the clerk still refused to give it to him
Because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber,
Took his driver's license out
Of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed
That the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police
And
Gave the name and address of the robber
That he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

***********************************************************
IDIOT NUMBER SIX of 2006:

A pair of Michigan robbers entered
A record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted,
"Nobody move!"
When his partner moved,
The startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.

************************************************************************

IDIOT NUMBER SEVEN of 2006:

Arkansas:
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that
He'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
Grab some booze, and run.
So, he lifted the cinder block
And
Heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of plexi-glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, here's your sign.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

YOUR MORNING SMILE.....

Max the plumber was summoned to a mansion to fix a leak and,
discovering a very pretty maid there, he lost no time trying to
combine business with pleasure.
The girl refused on the grounds that her mistress was home, and she
didn't want to be discovered and fired.
After several refusals, Max finished the job and returned to his shop.
The very next morning, his phone rang and his caller was the maid.
In very dulcet tones, she informed him that her mistress was out.
She asked if he wanted to come over and see her.
"What!" yelled Max. "On my own time?"

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just
met the woman of his dreams.
Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea:
"Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card, invite her to your
apartment for a home-cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later.
His mother called the day after the big date to see how things
had gone.
"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.
"Why? Didn't she come over?" asked his mother.
"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook ..."

A man was having trouble getting his neighbour to keep his
chickens fenced in.
The neighbour kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and
as such they had the right to go where they wanted.
The neighbour was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his
flower beds, and he had tried everything.
Two weeks later, on a visit, a friend noticed his flower beds
were doing great.
The flowers were beginning to bloom.
So the visitor asked him how he managed to keep the birds away.
"How did you make your next-door neighbour keep his hens in his own yard?"
"One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower
bed, and the next day I let my neighbour see me gather them. I wasn't
bothered after that day."

Our dentist recently hired a beautiful young blonde as a dental hygienist.
We exchanged small talk for half an hour as she cleaned my teeth and I
gazed into her pale-blue eyes.
When she finished, she smiled and said,
"You have the most perfect mouth."
My heart skipped a beat.
Then she continued,
"Usually I have a lot of trouble reaching people's wisdom teeth, but
your mouth is so big that I can get both hands in easily."

Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend Joe sitting on a stool.
"Joe," Bill said, "I'm glad to see that your wife finally let you out
of the house."
"Things have been different with my wife," Joe said. "In fact,
just the other day, I decided to show her who was the boss."
"How did you do that?" asked Bill.
"I simply said to her, 'Mabel, we are going to have it out
right now, and I am going to show you who is the boss in this
relationship.'"
"What happened?"
"Well I don't want to brag, but I managed to get her on her
hands and knees."
"How did you do that?"
"She was looking for me and I was hiding under the porch at the time."

"In my day, we didn't get that dis-embodied, slightly ticked off
voice saying,
'Doors closing.'
"We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was
sticking out, it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the next
station. But the base fare was only a dollar."

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red,
orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him.
The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked,
"What's the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not
choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one.
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if
you were my son.'

The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton (D) are on the same stage in
front of a huge crowd.
'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all
before, so to make it a little more interesting, the senator says to
the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I
can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him.

Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat
in the crowd.
Gradually, the cheering subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of
arrogance, considers what he could do.
"That was very impressive. But, did you know that with just one little
wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with
joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your
subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever
speak of this day and rejoice."
The senator seriously doubts this, and says so.
"One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So, the Pope slapped her.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

God's wish

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the
Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I
want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach
the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take!
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think
would honor and glorify me.
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said "Lord, I
wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel
inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent
treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and
how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes God said "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

ROOSTER

A Florida farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud
rooster from up in Canada for his chicken coop. The new rooster
struts over to the old rooster and says,
"OK old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on,
surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has
done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the
corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am
taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I
will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive
domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You
know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will
give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young
rooster takes off
running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and
the young rooster has closed the gap.
He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front
porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is
squalking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun
and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly
shakes his head and says,
src="cid:4.3028158306@web30309.mail.mud.yahoo.com " width=110>
"Darn.....third gay rooster I bought this month."

Moral of this story? ....

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little
treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Alcohol Consumption Warning....

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.

- The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.

- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung
Fu powers, resulting in you getting your behind kicked.

- The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead/knees.

- The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.

Thank god for alcohol ...

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Blonde Guy joke......

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work
on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!

If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to
jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I
get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a
bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his
death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd
known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never
would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos
or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife
said, "Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch."

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

A woman's opinion

1. Don't imagine you can change a man -
Unless he's in nappies.

**********

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
You shut the door.

**********

3. If they put a man on the moon -
They should be able to put them all up there.

**********

4. Never let your man's mind wander -

it's too little to be out alone.

**********

5. Go for the younger man.

You might as well,

They never mature anyway.

**********

6. Men are all the same -

They just have different faces,

So that you can tell them apart.

**********

7. Definition of a bachelor:

A man who has missed the opportunity

To make some woman miserable.

**********

8. Women don't make fools of men -

Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

**********

9. Best way to get a man to do something

Is to suggest he is too old for it.

**********

10. Love is blind,

But, marriage is a real eye-opener.

**********

11. If you want a committed man,

Look in a mental hospital.

**********

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years.

Even in Biblical times,

Men wouldn't ask for directions.

**********

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in,

Tell him cheque books .

**********

14. Remember a sense of humour

Does not mean that you tell him jokes,

It means that you laugh at his.

**********

15. Sadly,

All men are created equal!

Insanity is a gift........

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

New Lingerie

A husband walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie
for His wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in
price, the more see-through, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and
model It for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, 'I have an idea.
It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing.
I'll not put it on, do the modelling naked and return it tomorrow and
get a £150 refund for myself'.
So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'My God! It wasn't that creased in the shop'.
His funeral is on Thursday.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Tips for managers.

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and
then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every 10
minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover
behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me
a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD
have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living
increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the
priority. I like being a psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it
could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be
popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down.
In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me
with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to
know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you
refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's
nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story
about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for
being such a good manager.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Internet Sayings........

Home is where you hang your @.

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

Great groups from little icons grow.

Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

C: is the root of all directories.

Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

The modem is the message.

Too many clicks spoil the browse.

The geek shall inherit the web.

A chat has nine lives.

Don't byte off more than you can view.

Fax is stranger than fiction.

What boots up must come down.

Windows will never cease.

Virtual reality is its own reward.

Modulation in all things.

A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

There's no place like home.com.

Know what to expect before you connect.

Oh, what a tangled web site we weave when first we practice.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Snoopers Beware

Have you ever sat on a plane, next to an irritating person who keeps

talking to you and snooping at everything you read?

Next time, just follow these simple instructions:

And get ready to enjoy your well-deserved privacy.

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.

2. Remove your laptop, and open it.

3. Start up.

4. Make sure the guy annoying you can see the screen.

5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky. Take a very deep

breath...

6 Then open this web address...

http://tinyurl.com/34fzpf

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Vampire bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in
fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some
sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling
him about where he got it. He told them to p**s off and let him get
some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of
excited bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge
forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats milled round
him, tongues hanging out for blood.

"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES,
YES!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good for you!" said the bat,

"Because I f**king didn't."

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Serenity

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
# end

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10
others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can
remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.

The integrity of men is to be measured by their conduct
not by their professions

------------- Junius ---------

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Why Men Are Never Depressed

Men Are Just Happier People--

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another
snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this
one
is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day vacation requires
only
one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are
more
than enough. You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Dusty Underwear

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer.

"What the ? ? ?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud
appeared when he shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum
powder in my underwear?"

She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

The Cop & The Biker

A cop stops a Biker for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,

so he asks the biker his name.

''Fred,'' he replies.

''Fred what?'' the officer asks.

''Just Fred,'' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give

The biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a

ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays

along with it. ''Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?''

The biker replies, ''It's a long story, so stay with me.'' I was born

Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to

tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got

good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a

doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency,

and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree,

so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry,

so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD,

so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA

found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was

Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the

ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my

MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away

my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.''

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

this is cute--to make you smile or kill

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick
one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

' Hello ? '

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.

'May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, ' No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mommy

there?'

' Yes .'

'May I talk with her?'

Again the small voice whispered, ' No .'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,

'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman '.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, he's busy ', whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ,' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the

earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered,

' The search team just landed a helicopter .'

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they

searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... ' ME .'

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Real Funny

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Gardens at Montreol, Canada

Press Enter and then Click on arrows at the bottom of the slides to see the next slide(s)...

| View | Upload your own

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

China

Press Enter and then Click on arrows at the bottom of the slides to see the next slide(s)...

Speakers on please

| View | Upload your own

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Another Cold Spell

Press Enter and then Click on arrows at the bottom of the slides to see the next slide(s)...

| View | Upload your own

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

A Senior Couple

A senior couple pulls into a gas station and the elderly attendant comes out
to serve them:

Attendant : "How may I help you?"

Old Man : "Please fill it up."

Old Lady : "What did he say?"

Old Man [yelling]: "He asked what we wanted and I told him to fill it up."

Attendant : "So, where are you heading?"

Old Man : "To Chicago to see our Grandchildren."

Old Lady : "What did he say?"

Old Man [yelling]: "He asked where we're going. I told him we're going to
see the Grand kids."

Attendant : "It sure is a nice day for a drive."

Old Man : "Yes, it's been quite pleasant."

Old Lady : "What did he say?"

Old Man : "He said its good weather."

Attendant : "Where are you coming from?"

Old Man : "We started our trip from Winnipeg."

Old Lady : "What did he say?"

Old Man : "He asked where we're from and I said Winnipeg."

Attendant : "I dated a girl from Winnipeg once. She wouldn't
shut up and was lousy in bed."

Old lady : "What did he say?"

Old Man : "He says he knows you."

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

XX - GORDON BROWN'S PENIS TAX

Gordon Brown announced this morning that VAT would definitely apply to
the Penis because it provides a service. The way the tax will apply
was difficult to decide. This was due to the fact that 40% of the time
it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of
the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in a hole. On top
of that it has two dependants and they are both nuts.

Effective immediately, a Penis will be taxed according to size:

4-5" Nuisance Tax

5-8" Privilege Tax

8-10" Pole Tax

10-12" Luxury Tax

Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is
eligible for a refund. (PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION).

The taxpayers association is still awaiting clarification on a number of

questions raised on this new tax, including:

Are there penalties for early withdrawals?

What if one's penis is self-employed?

Do multiple partners count as a corporation?

Are condoms deductible as work clothes?

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

The scene is Bishoploch Primary School, Glasgow

Teacher: 'Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we're going to
have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right
can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until
Tuesday.'

Wee Murray thinks, 'Ya beauty! I'm pure dead brilliant at general
knowledge, so I am. This is goannae be a doddle!'

Teacher: ' Right class, who can tell me who said. ' Don't ask what our
country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'

Wee Murray shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air.

Teacher looking round picks Farqhuar Fauntleroy at the front.

'Yes, Farqhuar?' Farqhuar (in a very English accent): ' Yes miss, the
answer is J F Kennedy - inauguration speech 1960.'

Teacher: 'Very good Farqhuar. You may stay off Friday and Monday and
we will see you back in class on Tuesday.'

The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Murray is even more determined.

Teacher: 'Who said 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight
them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never
surrender?' Wee Murray's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board,
shouting 'I know, I know. Pick me Miss, pick me Miss'.

Teacher looking round and picks Tarquin Smythe, sitting at the front:
'Yes Tarquin.'

Tarquin (in a very, very posh English accent): 'Yes miss, the answer
is Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech.'

Teacher: 'Very good Tarquin, you may stay off Friday and Monday and
come back to class on Tuesday.'

The following Thursday comes around and Wee Murray is hyper; he's been
studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that
comes. He's coiled in his chair, dribbling in anticipation.

Teacher: 'Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?'

Wee Murray's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his
seat, jumping up and down screaming 'Pick me miss. Pick me miss. I
know, I know. Me Miss, me miss, meeeeee'.

Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front.
'Yes, Rupert?' Rupert (in a frightfully, frightfully, ever so
plummy English accent):

'Miss, that was Neil Armstrong, 1969, the first moon landing.'

Teacher: 'Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and
come back into class on Tuesday.'

Wee Murray loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his
chair at the wall. He starts screaming: 'WHERE THE F@&K DID ALL THESE
ENGLISH B@ST@RDS COME FROM?'

Teacher spins back round from the blackboard and shouts: 'Who said
that?' Wee Murray grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door,

'Robert the Bruce, Bannockburn, 1314. See ye on Tuesday Miss!'

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Some medical humour

The Faith Healer

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on
their various disorders.

"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But
I guess it is impossible."

"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then
everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in
three months."

"You must tell me what you did."

"I went to a faith healer."

"But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year
and it didn't help a bit."

The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dearie."

Migraine Cure

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm
going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,
but its advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a
migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while.
Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand,
especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of
the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me,
I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is
immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six
weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.

"Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had
migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever
helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY a nice bath
room and a sexy wife."

Negotiations

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to
begin working on her, she grabs his testicles.

The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each
other, aren't we?"

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Male or Female?

Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of
non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some
examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you
can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a
while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are
pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently
getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines
for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight
shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed
at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male,
but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost
without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he
just keeps trying

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Cough it out

A man walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is
spinning a 25 cent coin in the air and catching it between his teeth.
As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the
wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his
throat.
He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts
panicking, shouting and screaming for help.
A middle-aged, fairly unnoticeable man in a grey suit is sitting at a
coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the
saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up
from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market.
Reaching the boy, the man carefully takes hold of the kid's balls and
squeezes gently but firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the 25 cent
piece, which the man catches in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man
hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar
without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the
father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him saying:
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it's fantastic -
Are you a doctor?"
"Oh, good heavens, no," the man replies, "I work for the Inland Revenue
Department".

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Ancient Chinese Torture

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small
house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese
man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me
up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so
much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three
worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as
well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was
young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously
attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him
during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and
went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer,
and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to
keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept
back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a
large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture
1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If
that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry
about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw
the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read:
"Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced
down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end.
Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped
out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a
large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle
tied to bedpost."

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

A day in modern life:

A teenage granddaughter
comes downstairs for her date
with a see-through blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just pitched a fit,
telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her
'Loosen up Grams.
These are modern times.
You gotta let your rose buds show!'
and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs,
and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother
that she has friends coming over
and that it is just not appropriate....
The grandmother says,
'Loosen up, Sweetie.
If you can show off your rose buds,
then I can display my hanging baskets.

Happy Gardening.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Mail man's last day

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35years of carrying the
mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhooD.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the
whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with
big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific
fishing lures. At each of the houses along his route, he was met
with congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts.

At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful
blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led
him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the
stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison.

Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under
the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, " but what's
the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be
your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I
asked him what to give you." He said, " Screw him.......give him a
dollar."

The blonde then blushed and said, "The breakfast was my idea"

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Another set of definitions of MAN

There is a woman behind every successful man!  Really ? 

This is their current definition of men!!!!!

 

1. Don't imagine you can change a man -

unless he's in diapers.

 

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks

out? You shut the door.

 

3. If they put a man on the moon - they

should be able to put them all up there.

 

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's

too little to be out alone.

 

5. Go for the younger man. You might as

well, they never mature anyway.

 

6. Men are all the same - they just have

different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

 

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has

missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

 

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of

them are the do-it-yourself types.

 

9. Best way to get a man to do something is

to suggest he is too old for it.

 

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real

eye-opener.

 

11. If you want a committed man, look in a

mental hospital.

 

12. The children of Israel wandered around

the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for

directions.

 

13. If he asks what sort of books you're

interested in, tell him checkbooks.

 

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean

that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

 

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

 

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

A love letter from a mathematician...

My Dear Love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.

There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and
spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.

Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a vector of
magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of t radians made a
tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only
you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my
love for you extends to infinity.

I promise that I should not resolve you into partial
functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits
from zero to infinity.

You are as essential to me as an element to a set.

The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.

My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at
sunset, when the sun will be making an
angle of 160 degrees with our horizon, my heart would be like a solved
polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of
an unknown function.

Yours ever loving,
PythagoraS

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

A Gujarati boy

A Gujarati boy One day many years ago at a school in South London a
teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, 'I'll give $20 to the child
who can tell me who was the most respected man, whom people consider
God, who ever lived.'

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, 'It was St. Patrick.' The
teacher said, 'Sorry Alan, that's not correct.'

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, 'It was St. Andrew .'
The teacher replied, 'I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, ' It was Jesus
Christ.' The teacher said, 'That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up
here and I'll give you the $20.'

As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, 'You know
Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus
Christ.' Jayant replied, 'Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna,
but business is busin ess!'

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Junior School Children Writing About The Sea

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testic1es.(Kelly
age 6)

2) Oysters' b@lls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have
sea all round you, you are incontinent.(Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an @rsehole on the top of its
head.(Billy age 8)

6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with cr@bs. (Emily
Burniston age 5)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross
the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would
whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better
off eating beans.(William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny
tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always
screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big
sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.(Amy age
6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting Electric eels
can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where
I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age
7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my
wi11y small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers
can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky
age 8)

13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot
up her f@nny. (Julie age 7).

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

A very short crime story

This is crime story. Five friends lived in one room,
Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.
One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police.

MAD : "Is it police station???"
Police: "Yes, what is the matter??"
MAD : "SOMEBODY killed NOBODY."
Police: "Are you mad?"
MAD : "Yes, I'm MAD."
Police: "Don`t you have BRAIN."
MAD : "BRAIN is in bathroom...."
Police: "You FOOL.!!!"
MAD : "No, Sir.. FOOL is reading this joke... "

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

XX - Santa Is Not Happy

'Twas the night before Chris tmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's **_No Christmas_** this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

It's easy when you are old

A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife
tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says,
"I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Wedding Test

An oldie but still good.

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was
only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger
sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini
skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when
she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be
deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check

the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm
going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling,
just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I

stood there for a moment, then turned and made a bee line straight to
the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said,
'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask
for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is: .................................

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Some families do have them!

Your Council tax Re-evaluers want to charge us more if we live in a nice area.

That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.
In our street there is a huge council house.

The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce
dogs. Her car isn't taxed or insured, and doesn't even have a number
plate, but the police still do nothing. Her bad tempered old man is
known for upsetting foreigners with racist comments. We hear that a
shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son's ex-wife,
but nothing has been proved yet. All their kids have broken marriages
except the youngest, who everyone thought was a botty jockey. Two
grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out clubbing. The
family's odd antics are always in the papers.
Quite simply they are out of control. ...........

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

They Grow Em Big In Texas

A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit.

He went into Marshall Fields, and when asked by a sweet young woman if
she could help him, he answered,
"Yes, ma'am. Ya' see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete
city outfit."

Her eyes lit up as she asked,
"Where would you like to start?"

"Well, ma'am, how about a suit?"
"Yes, sir. What size?"
"Size 53 tall, ma'am."
"Wow, that's really big."
"Yes, ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?" she asked.
He replied,
"How about some shoes?"
"What size?"
"Size 15 double E."
"Wow, that's really big!
"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?"
"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
"Yes, sir. What size?"
"Nineteen and a half neck, sleeves 38," he replied.
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
"Will there be anything else?" she asked.
"Yes, ma'am. I 'spect I'll need a hat."
"Yes, sir. What size? And style?"
"Eight and five-eighths. Stetson."
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
She virtually glowed as she asked,
"Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No ma'am, I reckon that will be all."

As the sweet young thing tallied up his bill, and as the Texan counted
out his money, she blushed and asked,
"Sir, could I ask you a question?"
"Yes, ma'am, I already know what it is. And the answer is four inches."
Astonished, she blurted out,
"Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!"
Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied..... .........

(You're going to love this one!)

(Guys....you'll be using this line.......)

"From the floor ma'am.......From the floor."

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Fresh Milk!

A friend from city visits his farmer friend who lives in a remote
village. He enjoys the beauty of nature and wants to try his hand at
everything there. He requests to be allowed to milk the cow in the
next morning. Although a bit skeptical, the farmer did not want to
dissapoint his friend. "Remember", he said to his friend. "You must
stop if she resists and let us take over".

Next morning the farmer was surprised to see his friend walking
towards the house beamingly, carrying a heavy bucket. "See", he
shouted happily. "It was not that difficult. She seems to enjoy
milking". Saying that, he placed the bucket under a tree, took out a
cup from his trouser pocket and drank a cup full of milk. "A......h!
What a taste!! You know something? It tastes entirely different to the
milk available in super markets"

"Of course it does," says the farmer. "Cow was moved to the other
corner of the farm last evening. It seems that you have milked the
bull"

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

XX - Billy & Grandpa .................... !!

Mom, Dad, their 16-year-old son Billy and Grandpa are driving out to
visit relatives. It's a long trip, so they stop off at a motel for the
night. Unfortunately, most of the rooms are already booked and Billy
andGrandpa have to sleep in the same bed.

All goes well until four in the Morning when Grandpa wakes up
screaming. "Good God!" he shouts. "Billy get me a woman! Get me a
woman now!" "Calm down , Grandpa",says Billy. "But Billy, you've got
to get me a woman ", wails Grandpa. "I gotta have a woman!" "Calm
down, Grandpa!" says Billy.

"There are three reasons why you're not getting a woman now. Firstly,
it's four in the morning. Secondly, you're ninety years old. And
thirdly - that's my dxxx you're holding, not yours."

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

To Be Pondered......

* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.

* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

* Life is sexually transmitted.

* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.

* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window?

* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

How yodeling Began......

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland.

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went
up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from upstairs and
asked her father, "Who was that man going into the barn?" "That's some
fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "He needed place to stay
for the night, so I said that he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry."

So, she prepared him a plate of food and took it out to the barn.
About an hour later, the daughter returned, her clothing disheveled
and straw in her hair.

Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps
the man was thirsty.

So, she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too
did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse
buttoned incorrectly and her hair all messed up.

She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise, the man in the barn got up and continued
on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.
When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone,
She broke into tears.
"How could he leave without even saying goodbye,after we made such
passionate love last night?"

"What?" shouted the father, and angrily ran out of the house looking
for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm gonna get you! You had sex with my
daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next
to his mouth, and yelled out:

"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO!"

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

Application for a WIFE

FISHERMAN: Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms &
clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph
of motor boat.

SALESMAN: Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original,
genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's
around is now looking for a wife.

MATHEMATICIAN: Wife require to complete the formula of my life.
Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed
to help further my family unit.

IT CONSULTANT: Well there is definite room for improvement in my
life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is
slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to
improve efficiency. Compatibility coud be an issue.

CAR DEALER: Wanter a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife.
Should be in excellent working condition.

PILOT: Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed
applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her
feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul.
And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!

BANKER: Wife wanted, who takes interest in me and credits me with
her service.

ACCOUNTANT: Required a girl - 5'8 - 36 - 24 - 36 - with a good head
for figures. She must be averse to making unnnecessary expenditure
and her vey nature should be one of generating as few expeses in my
life as possible.

DOCTOR: I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life.
However if you feel the need for a second opinion then its fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO: My mission in life is to find myself the perfect
wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a
compass. She who dare wins. Camouflage provided.

ASTRONAUT: I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life.
Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this
world!!!

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

(Classic Laffadays)

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jewish man, all very pious, met at an
inter-faith congress and got to talking about the experiences that had
lead to their religious devotion.

The Christian recounted being on a plane when it ran into a terrible
storm over a remote wilderness area.
"There was lightening and thunder all around us. The pilot told us to
brace for the crash. I dropped to my knees and prayed to God to save
us. Then, for a thousand feet all around us the wind calmed and the
rain stopped. We made it to the airport. And since then, my faith has
never wavered."

The Muslim then told of a terrifying incident on his pilgrimage to Mecca.
"A tremendous sandstorm came up out of nowhere, and within minutes my
camel and I were almost buried. Sure I was going to die, I prostrated
myself toward Mecca and prayed to Allah to deliver me. And suddenly,
for a thousand feet all around me, the swirling dust settled and I was
able to make my way safely across the desert. Since then I have been
the most devout of believers."

Nodding respectfully, the Jewish man then told his story.
"One Sabbath I was walking back from the temple when I saw a huge sack
of money just lying there at the edge of the road. It had clearly been
abandoned, and I felt it was mine to take home. But obviously this
would have been a violation of the Sabbath. So I dropped to my knees
and prayed to Yahweh. And suddenly, for a thousand feet all around me,
it was Tuesday."

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.
The other day when she went horseback riding.
Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control.
She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in
the stirrup.
When this happened, she fell head first to the ground.
Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even
slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart
manager happened to walk by and he unplugged it.

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye:
$500 Porsche! New!
The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500,
and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot.
So, he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost
brand new Porsche.
"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?"
Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and
took it back to the lady's house.
"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"
"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could
have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and
sent him the money."

A blonde, a brunette and a read head are stuck on an island.
For years and years they live there, until one day they find a magic lamp.
They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a genie.
The genie says,
"Since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette goes first,
"I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and
my life-- I just want to go home" ... POOF she is gone.
The the red head makes her wish,
"This place sucks, I want to go home too" ... POOF she is gone.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie says to her,
"My dear what is the matter,
"I wish my two friends were here" ...
POOF!!!

Weird Fact of the Day:
Termites have been around for over 250 million years.

If a man is alone in his house and breaks wind,
Will it be as satisfying as doing it in front of his wife?

Read More...

Return to the Blog...

XXX - Jokes

Some of these are really rowdy; please do not continue if you are a prude.

"When I realized that I couldn't satisfy my wife's insatiable sex
appetite," the man said to his drinking buddy, "I bought her quite an
assortment of every sex toy made, thinking that would keep her
faithful."

"Did it work ?" asked the friend.

"Well, kinda..." the man replied. "But now, every time I do feel like
a little, I find myself 3rd or 4th in line."

~~

The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being
sworn in as American citizens.

"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last!
Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?"

"Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook
dinner and I get on top!"
~~
It was really something else, man!" said the cadet policeman to his partner.
"When I was off duty Saturday night, I went to this big party, see,
and pretty soon I noticed this fabulous little bird giving me the eye.
Then, she asked me to take her home.
And just as soon as we were in the car, she unzipped me and went right
down on the old fella - and I still didn't even know her name."
"So what did you do?" asked the other cop.
"Well, I figured this was one situation where I'd shoot first and ask
questions afterward."- - - - -

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf.

A man goes to the confessional and says,
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" The Priest asks.
"Well," the man starts, "I used the 'F'-word today and I feel so terrible."
"Why don't you tell me what happened. What made you use such awful
language?" asked the Priest.
"Well, I was out golfing and I hit this incredible drive that looked
like it was going to go over 250 yards, but the ball hit a phone line
hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after
going about 100 yards."
"I'm a golfer myself my son" said the Priest "I understand what you
were feeling. So this is when you swore?"
"No Father," said the man,
"You see, after that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my
ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"And this is when you swore?" asked the Father again.
"No not yet. Just as the squirrel was running away, this eagle came
down out of the sky and grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began
to fly away!"
"And it was then that you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.
"No, not yet," replied the man, "Just as the eagle was flying away
with the squirrel he flew towards a wooded area next to the green. And
as he passed over it, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear then, my son?" asked the now impatient Priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some
bushes, careened off a big rock, and then rolled through a sand trap
and on to the green and stopped dead six inches from the hole!" told
the man.
The priest sighed,
"You missed the fucking putt, didn't you!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SEX FACTS.

1) 94% of men lie about their dick size.
According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need to use extra
large condoms.

2) The average man is 5 inches long when erect (no matter what you
have heard ladies, that's the truth).
(Incidentally, the average vaginal capacity is only 6 inches, for you
women who think you can handle king dong)

3) 80% of American men are circumcised.
Even though Paediatrics say it is not necessary.

4) No matter what all the ads say, nothing can make your penis grow
but, time. (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20's)

5) There is no co-relation between penis size and shoe size, hand
size, or nose size.

6) Blue balls does exist!
It's technically called "prostatic congestion."

7) Only 16% of men shave their privates.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reputation.

Dear Abby:

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, who has recently been
diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus.
My parents live in Fort Worth.
One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and
selling marijuana.
They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are
prostitutes in Dallas.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence at
Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994.
My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual
misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives
in Longview.
She is a part time 'working girl'.

All things considered, my problem is this.

I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family.
I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Hilary Clinton for President?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hotel
A salesman checked into a futuristic hotel.
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called
the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down
the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your
purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted
$15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine
started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed is
reflection,
which showed the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures, $20.00.'

"Why not?" thought the salesman.
He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine
started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they wer e perfectly
manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read,
'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 cents.'

The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine,
unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into
the opening.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony
and almost passed out.
Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender
unit..... which now had a button sewn on the end.

Stop NOW as it gets really bad...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerickz

There was a young lady named May,
Took a stroll in the park by the bay.
She met a young man,
Who f**ked her and ran.
Now, she goes to the park every day.
__________________________________

There was a young girl in Berlin
Who eeked out a living through sin.
She didn't mind f**king,
But, much preferred s**king,
And she'd wipe off the pr**ks on her chin.
__________________________________

There was an old maid from Luck,
Who took it into her head to f**k.
She was about to re-sign
'Till she hung out a sign:
"Come in, I've decided to s**k."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting.

Things that sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but are not:

"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Talk about a huge breast!"

"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."

"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

"Don't play with your meat."

"Just spread the legs open and stuff it in."

"How long will it take after you stick it in?"

"It's a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?"

"Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

"Just lay back and take it easy. I'll do the rest.."

"Use a nice, smooth stroke when you whip it."

"You'll know when it's ready when it pops up."

"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"

"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

"It's Cool Whip time!"

"You still have a little bit on your chin."

"Are you ready for seconds yet?"

"Wanna neck?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus.

Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big
toilet like his daddy.
He pushes up the seat and balances his little penis on the rim.
Just then the toilet seat slams down, and little Johnny lets out a scream.
His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round the room
clutching his genitals and howling.
He looks up at her with his little tear stained face and sniffles,
"K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better."
Little Johnny's mother shouts,
"Don't start your father's shit with me!"

Read More...

Return to the Blog...